Backrow Baptists

 Growing up in a Southern Baptist church, I always heard jokes about "backrow Baptists" being the backslidden ones. Meaning, (in jest, of course) if you sit on the back row of a Baptist church, you've got grievous sins in your life and you're probably somehow backsliding from the Lord. So you can imagine my surprise when my husband suggested we sit on the back row of church today. (In his defense, other Baptists sitting in the area were being good Baptists in that they were taking up all the aisle seats and perfecting the art of not making eye contact in order to not have to move to a seat-in-the-middle.) So there we were, sitting on the backrow, but not backslidden. (To my knowledge, I'll have to confirm with my husband on that one later. haha)

Very shortly, the service began. The worship music was inviting and on point. After a few songs, in walks the reason I believe God had us strategically placed on the back row today. In walked a woman with her toddler son. I don't know that she was necessarily new to the church - I just know that I've never seen her before. As she walked in and decided to sit one seat over from me (there on that glorious back row), I quickly had two thought lines running through my mind. 

Thought #1 - "Is she backslidden?"

Thought #2 - "Wait. Does she think I'm backslidden?"

JUST KIDDING... the real initial two thought lines I had in my mind were this...

Thought #1 - I'm thankful she's here. She's late, but I can tell she made a huge effort to be here. It's a ton of work to get a toddler out the door and to church all by yourself. I'm glad she's here.

Thought #2 - Girlfriend is going to have quite-the-work ahead of her to get her toddler son to sit still through this whole service. My kids probably wouldn't have made it at that age. I hope she's prepared.

As she sat down next to me, her little boy went leafing through some Bibles sitting on the edge of some seats on the end (Good Baptists don't just sit in seats on the aisles; they also save seats on the end of the aisles too.) She leaned to me to confirm that she was okay sitting there next to me and wasn't taking up anyone else's space. I assured her she belonged right where she was. (As I was still slightly inwardly wondering if she was prepared for all that would entail keeping a toddler still/quiet/compliant/happy during a looooong church service.)

As the worship song set came to an end and pastor got up to bat, he began preaching on work. All work. The work God has for us. Everything being sacred. As he preached, I saw all of His points coming true right before my eyes in real time with this young mom and her son.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention. Along with this mom-and-son-duo came a giant bag-of-treasures. As the sermon began, the mom started digging inside that bag-of-hers and provided her kid with cookies. Then, moved on to pen and paper doodling, a trip to the bathroom, and finally ended with her masterful use of teaching the kid to play with a pen cap. I mean that sincerely. She taught him the knack-of-it, so that he was self-entertained for the remainder of the service. It was mom gold.

Through simultaneous efforts of listening to the sermon, taking notes, and taking mental observations of what was going on next to me during the service today, here's some things I realized about the work God has for all of us:

1. It takes planning. Pastor couldn't have made it through his sermon without preparing and planning for it. The toddler-mom next to me couldn't have made it through the sermon without her giant bag-of-treasures.

2. It takes personal sacrifice. Pastor spoke of personal/family health issues throughout the week that needed attending to in his own life. He personally sacrificed to take care of the ones he loves and sacrificed even more to make sure his sermon was complete this week as well. Being a pastor is a lot of work. The woman next to me sacrificed roughly 45 times in 45 minutes with all the things asked/required of her by her toddler. She personally sacrificed a lot just to be there today.

3. It takes patience. Any man who's a pastor can tell you this is true. God's call requires patience. Also, any woman who's a mom can tell you this is true. God's call requires patience. Patience to get the work started. Patience to keep the work going. Patience to see the work through to the ending. And patience-upon-patience to deal with all the people and demands in the midst of it all. (Can somebody say "Amen" right there?)

Upon reflection, I came home, cooked dinner for the family, and began to think some more about what it was God was pressing into my heart about the work God has for all of us, and here are 3 more things I can add to what's already been said.

1. The work God has for us...It doesn't require a stage. If the work God has for you has a stage included, then by all means, use the stage for His glory. But if it doesn't, by all means, keep serving and doing the work God has mapped out for you. God's work comes with a no-stage-required kind of instruction manual.

2. The work God has for us...It doesn't require recognition. If you get recognition for the work you do, consider it an abundant grace of God. If you don't get recognition for the-day-in-and-day-out-work you do, that's ok. Keep going. Keep doing what God has called you to do. Work for Him and not for men. He sees, and He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him in all they do.

3. The work God has for us...It doesn't require appreciation. If you get appreciation for the work you do, consider it an uncommon kindness, a blessing, if you will. But also remember, sometimes the behind-the-scenes work God calls us to (or even the on-stage work God calls us to), doesn't always pay off in debts of gratitude aimed in your direction. Ask any pastor. Better yet, ask any mom.

All in all, I'm grateful I was able to be among the backrow Baptists in service today. God taught my heart lessons on a variety of levels - all from the sermon, to the worship set, to the mom-and-her-toddler-with-the-pen-cap. To update any of you curious and still reading, the kid did great the entire way through the service up until the very last invitational song. To which, he said pretty confidently, "All done!" and then proceeded to walk confidently out of the building. Lol. (To be honest, I find a hard time faulting him for that though, because some of y'all grown-and-bred adult Baptists do that too.)

With all said, I encourage you to be encouraged in whatever work the Lord has set before you today and this upcoming week/season of your life. Also, I encourage you - put it in your seating rotation to be a "Backrow Baptist" every once in a while, you never know what lessons the Lord may have for your heart. Also, I hear it's a great place to be if you're backslidden already anyway. ;-)

 

The "Why?": How to grow in wisdom & discern our motives through questioning

Mommy, why.

Why?

Why??

Why?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

Why, why, why, why, why...

As any mom (or dad) soon recognizes, the question "Why?" is an ever-present and ever-pressing question often posed over-and-over-and-over-and-over again by our young kids. (Anyone else, or is it just my kids? lol.) The problem with the question "Why?" (other than the fact that it comes at an annoyingly strong pace sometimes) is that we often think we outgrow it. More than just a rather effective annoyance tactic from toddler to parent, the question "Why?" has power if we afford to give it the space, silence, solitude, and time to work as it should.

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I believe God has so knit each one of us together, so that we all each have strengths and weaknesses. We use our God-given strengths to serve and encourage others, and we use our God-knitted-together weaknesses to be lifted up and served by others. (Note: Weaknesses are not the same thing as personal proclivities to sin, as we'll discuss that more later.)

That said, one of the strengths I believe God has granted me is the gift of discernment.  What is discernment exactly? By definition, discernment is "the ability to judge well" or "the ability to distinguish (someone or something) with difficulty by sight or with the other senses; to perceive or recognize (something)."

Ever since I was a teenager and walking with the Lord, I would pray on-the-regular for wisdom and discernment. I believe He granted me those requests. Now, let me caveat that with this: I don't always hit the mark. Sometimes, I miss the mark. Sometimes, I overanalyze. Sometimes, I misread. Sometimes, I get anxious. Some of those things are due to human error. Some of them are due to my default personality. Some of them are just straight not from God.

But when I do get it right, when I do discern a person, situation, etc. correctly, I know it's because of the Holy Spirit living inside of me. And really, no other reason at all. It's His strength at work in me.

If you would like to become a more wise, discerning person, here are some steps that have helped me and I hope will also help you:

#1. Pray for wisdom and discernment. 

The Bible tells us in the book of James chapter 1 verse 5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." 

The Bible also lists discernment as a gift of His Holy Spirit in 1 Corinthians 12:7-11, "To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom,  and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills."

If you are a child of God, He hears your prayers. He tells us to ask Him for wisdom when we lack it. He gives this generously to all who ask. He also sends discernment as a manifestation of His Holy Spirit to some for the common good. Pray and ask God for wisdom and discernment.

#2. Read the Bible to get to know the God of the Bible.

If your personality is anything like mine, you'll do the Bible reading in a year. You'll start out right. And then you'll end up all wrong because you're doing it just to check off all the boxes before the end of the year. Or you'll do all the Bible studies and fill in all the blanks of "homework" just to have something to show for your time with the Lord. Believe me, these things aren't wrong as a start, but they can become a sloppy finish. I would dare to contend that your time with the Lord will show out in your character, your reactions, and your word-responses more than any checklist will ever show.

If your personality is anything like mine or even if it isn't, resolve to read the Bible to get to know the God of the Bible. Learn His names. His attributes. The ways in which He works and moves and relates with His people. Get to know His voice. Know the God of the Bible by reading the Bible.

#3. Surround yourself with discerning people. 

Whether that's in person or a combination of in-person and through reading about the lives of discerning people who have gone before us, surround yourself with discerning people.

I'm currently going through Marty Machowski's Wise Up! devotion with my girls in our homeschool Bible lesson times. It focuses on the book of Proverbs. Proverbs has so very much to say about foolish and wise people. It is straightforward in what wise people treasure and build their lives around and what foolish people are tripped up by. Study Proverbs. Surround yourself with wise, discerning people in modern-day. Learn/read about wise, discerning people of times gone by.

#4. Ask really good questions (of yourself and others).

I've found that asking yourself "Why?" questions is a good place to begin. It can really be as simple as this:

Why do I WANT to do this thing?

Why do I NOT WANT to do this thing?

Why WOULD I do this thing?

Why WOULD I NOT do this thing?

This line of questioning cuts out what others will think or you, say of you, or expect of you, and it gets straight to the heart (read: motives). This process of questioning helps to show our true selves and helps us process if our motives are selfish, sinful, sideways, or sanctified. (With all that alliteration going on, I feel a Baptist sermon coming on...lol.)

So with that, I'll leave you alone to think and process. Until next time, pray for wisdom from the Lord. He will give it generously! And to discern what is best in any given situation, try considering the "Why?" questioning method listed above.

Hide-n-Seek (& what it looks like to be Found)

Hide and Seek is a game as old as human nature, starting with Adam and Eve. Down through the years, hide and seek has been a staple kids game - across generations, cultures, time, and place.

Once CoVid hit, our family made an adaptation to the traditional hide and seek game, and now, my girls want to play it almost every chance they get. We call it Flashlight Tag. Basically, if hide and seek and tag got married and had little baby flashlights, that would be this game. It goes something like this:

First, the setting: this game is played inside our house when it's dark outside and all the lights in the house are turned completely off.

Now, for the ground rules:

1. One person is named "it" and begins to count to 10 (in English or Spanish) or count to 20 or count to 100 (if they're a feisty kindergartener and like to show off). Anyway, the person who is "it" counts while everyone else runs and hides.

2. At the end of counting, the "it" person turns on their flashlight and sets out to find someone hiding somewhere in a closet, behind a curtain in a room, behind the door in the bathroom, or inside the washer (that literally only happened once, and by the grace of God, no one was hurt... only they were counseled on why that was a bad idea. We now use the kid lock feature on our washer on the regular. Whew.)

3. Once "it" finds someone's hiding place and shines their flashlight on them, that person turns on their flashlight to become the new person to be "it" and the other person turns off their flashlight and proceeds to find a hiding place.

4. No tag backs. Ever.

5. Yelling "break time" is acceptable at any point in the game by anyone if they need to get some water or need to use the bathroom or just simply feel feisty that their sister is about to tag them. lol.

6. The only way the game will ever end is if mom or dad put a timer on the microwave. Game ends at the beeping sound. Whoever is "it" when the game is done will be the one to start out the game the next time.

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As you can see, this silly-little-game-turned-family-tradition is easy to play and doesn't take much skill beyond finding a hiding spot and only requires the expendability of some flashlights and lots of spare AA batteries.

So, as fun as it is, I'm always curious as to what the draw is to playing this game. over. and over. and over. again. On a regular night, at least one of my girls would be afraid of the dark (or at least that's the reason given for never going to bed on time). But they're fearless in this game. And last time I checked, flashlights aren't the #1 top-selling toy for kids. But they want to play this game more than any of the dump-truck-loads-full-of-toys they own. 

As I was thinking it over, I think it simply comes down to a few reasons this game is so loved.

1. The obvious: it's time spent together (sort-of) as a family. Family memories are made from the time someone blended in with the curtain for the entirety of the game… to the time when someone was laying down in the closet & pulled your leg when you went in there (and simultaneously gave you a heart attack because you didn't even know someone else was in there with you).

2. Humans like to hide. 

3. Humans long to be found.

Silly kid games aside, I wonder: Is there anything you're hiding from in your life today? Hiding from a person you disagree with? Hiding from memories of a painful past? Hiding from honestly sharing your full story? Hiding from healthy community? Accountability? Authenticity? What is it that you're hiding from?

Better yet, what would it look like for you to be found?

I don't know your specific situation and life details, but I'm willing to bet (and I'm not even a betting woman), with the amount of surplus AA batteries kicking around in the world today, there's a person, a group, or a tribe that's willing-and-ready to turn on their flashlights and seek you out. They're ready to accept you as you are, and willing to listen to your heart, life, and story.

Through prayer, ask the Lord who those people in your life may be. And with wisdom & discretion, proceed to let them in on what you've been hiding from or what darkness you've been going through. Instead of running away from you, I believe God has already placed people in your life who not only can handle your story, but they will be better off for you sharing it all.

After all, you've been hiding long enough. 

The feisty kindergartener's count is already up to 99.

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Now, Tag. You're it. 

Go bring into light the things that are lurking in the dark. 

Be honest with yourself and others. 

Process the past. 

Verbalize the hurts. 

Get to counseling if you need to. 

Get into healthy community. 

& Go tell the story God's graciously given to you.

Your story.

His glory.

& That’s what it looks like to be found.

March writing prompt challenge #1

March Writing Challenge - Prompt #1

"If March were a color, what color would it be? Write about how you know."

First thoughts lead me to readily saying March is the color green. 

Green, for Spring and all things that grow. 

Green, for warm days (and rowdy kids that love to run outside, going to and fro).

Green, like streetlights that give permission to go.

Green, for holidays like St. Patrick's Day.

Green, for Easter (if that calendar falls that way).

Green, for constant friendships that are here to stay.

Green, because (as my grandpa used to say), 

"It's God's favorite color" and He likes it that way.

But maybe, upon closer inspection, March isn't so bold, so lush, so green.

Maybe March is more serene. 

Maybe cool like the yellow of a daffodil. 

Or light blue, like the sight of the sky from a windowsill.

Or lavender, light pink, or seafoam, if you will.

Maybe March is the color of standing still.

Seeking God's face and inquiring of His will.

Maybe March is for getting older.

Bolder.

or  simply becoming a beholder.

Maybe March is for the madness of games.

Or maybe March - (being opposite of its very name)

 - isn't the color of moving at all.

Maybe it's the mirror of the color of Fall.

The colors of changing, of pause and reflection.

The colors of the past mixed with a new direction.

I don't know now which color to pick.

If March were a color (It seems like a trick.)

Here I've written just a few ideas and clues,

If March had a color palette and preferred its own hue.

Put Down the Pen #MyJesusTestimony

Put Down the Pen #MyJesusTestimony

If you’ve known me for any length of time, you know that I’ve always wanted write a book. But I never was able to nail down a topic for my book, so I just simply haven’t written a book. I blog. Mostly to myself (and a handful of others), and I think my dad follows me occasionally as well. :-)

If you’re looking for a topic to write a book on, be. very. careful. You may just live through the horrors that one day may become the topic of your book.

Let me explain:

You see, this is the time of year - every year - where I reflect on the goodness of the Lord in the midst of one of the most terrible times in my life. Six years ago, around this time of year, I gave birth to my second daughter, Hope.

Here is the story of “The Birth of Hope” in a nutshell:

And then Hope was born. Hope Elizabeth. February 25, 2017. When she was born, all 95 percentile of her filled in a portion of my heart that I never knew was vacant. As most would agree, the birth of a baby tends to change everything. And for me, everything did change. And not just at the time of birth. Roughly five months after her birth, everything for me began to change again. 

At the end of July in 2017, I experienced an mental “episode” that landed me in a mental ward at a hospital in Jacksonville, Florida. 

& the abridged timeline went something like this:

Year 2017 

-Post-partum psychosis. (occurs in roughly 1 or 2 births out of 1,000)

-First hospitalization.

-Hypothyroidism = thyroid off the charts… on a scale of 0.4-4.0, I had a 79….(I always have been an overachiever ;-) )

-2 medications.

-Second hospitalization.

-Post-partum depression.

-7 medications.

-Gained 40 pounds due to medication side effects.

-Psychiatrist visit where he subscribed “getting your nail done” as the solution to it all.

-Christian Counseling.

-Prolactin level  = 293, and climbing up into the 400s.

-MRI show possible tumor (prolactinoma) on pituitary gland.

-Get new psychiatrist

Year 2018

-New psychiatrist weans me off of all 7 medications, except thyroid medication & one antidepressant.

-Possible brain surgery (?)

-Swift second opinion doesn’t see a tumor anywhere on my brain.

-Daily nausea/vomitting for a month upon going off of medications. (uncomfortable for sure, but helped shed all that extra weight)

-Endoscopy. 

-Gastritis.

-Colonscopy.

-I became a case study for a national women’s conference on women’s health. (See, told you I know how to overachieve. ;) )

Year 2022

-Met with an endocrinologist for the first time to discuss vast vitamin deficiencies and how VITALLY important this piece of the puzzle was/is. (Not sure why this wasn’t mentioned by anyone else much earlier in my life.)

-Endocrinologist weaning me off of antidepressant and placing me on prescription vitamins

Nearly 6 years later, I’m stable and healthy. I no longer have any symptoms of depression. At all. After that season of rollercoasters, several valleys, and a complete lack of mountains, I can say that life is back to "normal." In a nutshell, I see it that God has basically given me my life and my enjoyment of my life back. As of this upcoming April 2023, I will be weaning off of the remainder of my antidepressant and will only be on medication for hypothyroidism (oh, and vitamins!). Praise the Lord! Just another testament to His goodness and healing hand in my life!

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I know after processing this and organizing this into a piece of writing, I look back find it all a bit strange. I literally can not believe all that’s happened to me. It’s almost like I’m writing the script to the story of someone else’s life.  Instead of wishing it all away, I choose to take a step back, realize that IT IS truly MY story, and put down the pen because I recognize that I’m not the Author of this one. I’m not even the main character. More like a supporting character waaaaay back in the background. A single person who has maybe come to this point "for such a time as this." A small pebble dropped into water whose ripple effects have no end in sight. One story told boldly and shared freely for the thousands, maybe millions, that need to be told boldly and shared freely as well.  

So here, I think, is where I should end. The abridged version of my story has now been told. Hopefully, by sharing my story, others will find boldness to do the same. And story by story, the paradigm will shift. And that, my dear friend, is the birth of hope. :-)

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1 Peter 4:19

¹⁹ So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.