Were it Not for Grace: Lessons Learned in a Courtroom

Lately, I've been going through a personal Bible study by Kelly Minter entitled "Nehemiah: A Heart That Can Break," and I have recently (within the last couple of days or so) asked that God would specifically break my heart for something that breaks His. Naturally, we all have those areas that touch a soft spot in our hearts, but this prayer I've been praying asked God to specifically break my heart for something or some area that I had not yet considered. In other words, I've been asking God to extend the borders of my scope of compassion. At the end of the day, I truly want my life and my compassion for others to mirror that of the heart of God for the world in its entirety. I'm not there yet. Not. even. close.

Today, God very vividly answered my prayer for a broken heart for something that breaks His heart. But, as you can probably imagine, it came in a much different packaging than I originally anticipated (which, in itself, is a testament to the work of God).

This morning started out just as any other weekday-school-morning normally does. I got up, went through all of my regular morning routine, dressed in my "field trip" attire, and headed off to school. Even as the kiddos came bounding and leaping into my classroom this morning to listen to Patrol devotions and eventually school-wide morning announcements, the day seemed to have a typical starting point. After that, my students, along with the fifth grade class, headed to the Duval County Courthouse – just a handful of blocks away from our school – downtown.

And here’s where my day took a definite unexpected turn.

In retrospect, I’m not really sure what I was expecting going into this trip, but I do know this: I got more than I bargained for.

One of the judges is a dad of one of the students at our school, so he was able to take some time out of his busy, busy schedule to take us on a mini-tour of parts of the courthouse and have some Q&A time before the “calendaring” of the day.

Before entering the actual courtroom, the students were instructed and highly encouraged (to use a kid-friendly term) to “zip their lips” out of sheer respect for the law, the judicial process, and the courtroom itself. Once inside the actual courtroom, I couldn’t imagine it going any other way. To say what I witnessed in there left me speechless would be a gross understatement.

For nearly two hours, we sat through case after case of “calendaring,” which basically means a criminal would enter the stand, his/her charges and some past history would be read, and dates for trials would be decided upon. For some, you could see/hear the repentance in their hearts by every ounce of their demeanor. For others, it was pretty clear that they had yet to learn their lesson. A majority of them centered around drug possession, gang activities, and severe disrespect to po-lice officers. At several points throughout the two-hour-calendaring-process, my mind ran through a variety of questions.

“How in the world did they get to this point in their lives?”

“What is this person’s background?”

“What is their home-life like?”

“Why didn’t their momma teach them any better?”

“Does this kid/man/woman have a good daddy? Or a daddy at all? Could they pick out their daddy in a crowd?”

“Do they know who Jesus is?”

“Do they have any hope?”

“Do they even want to be free?”

Although all these questions (and many more!) were running all throughout my head/mind/heart today, one case struck me to the core.

At one point, a woman stepped up to the stand. She stated her name and that she was 27 years old. To this very day in her life, she’s had 20+ criminal charges on her name.  Even as I’m typing this, my eyes swelter for her. For two reasons, actually.

One,it hits so close to home that it hurts.

You see, I’m 27 years old. (That’s the only reason this hits close to home, I promise.) I haven’t always made the right decisions in my life. I have a speeding ticket to my name. I forget to wear my seatbelt sometimes. I also text while driving back and forth to Lynchburg because I forget that most other states (except Florida) no longer allow texting and driving. And a host of other examples where I’ve “missed the mark,” I’m sure. All that to say, I’ve made my fair share of poor decisions. And I’m sure, if you’re honest with yourself, so have you.

And two, it hits so very far away from home that it hurts.

On May 6, 1985, my mom gave birth to a super-healthy baby girl (me!). I came into this world with as much prissy-pot-ness and sass God could package into a little girl. Regardless of my strong personality and over-confident little self, God chose to place me into a loving, Christian family with several generations of a Christian legacy already "under its belt" so-to-speak. From the ages of 5-18, God provided the means for my parents to pay for me to attend a Christian school. Once out of school, scholarships and continued support from my parents enabled me to go on to Bible college for undergrad and Christian university for graduate school. Some call this "blessed." I call it grace.

In sharp contrast, somewhere around the world, 27 years ago, in 1985 or 1986, this criminal woman’s mom gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I don’t know the details of this woman’s life from that time to this, so I wont pretend that I do. Perhaps, she grew up in a “normal” home and one day decided to do her own thing, much to her own detriment. Perhaps, her home life was nothing to brag about, and her current lifestyle just mirrors the heinous crimes she witnessed and participated in as a child. Perhaps, her day of birth was the last day worth celebrating in her entire lifetime. I’m unsure.

All details to the side, as I sat there and listened to a rattling-off of the charges against her, including but not limited to, multiple accounts of drug possession and prostitutions, God spoke to me. My heart quickly broke for this woman. And you know what God did? He told me that - in that moment - His heart matched mine. For you see, His heart also broke for this woman. Through this woman’s lifetime of poor-decision-making and living a life decidedly opposed to the work of the Holy Spirit, God gave me a heart like Nehemiah’s – a heart that can break for what His heart breaks for.

As the judge posed a question in reference to the woman’s age/crime ratio, the woman replied, “I’m living the fast life, your honor.” It reminded me of the word picture in the Bible that we’re all running a race. The encouragement in the New Testament longs for us to continue to run the race, with perseverance, and to run the race so as to win the prize for the high calling of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. This woman, in a roundabout way, acknowledged the Biblical truth that she, too, was running a race. Or, as she called it, “living the fast life.” As I thought this through, the following song lyrics came to mind:

“Forever running,

 losing the race,

were it not for grace.”

Please take a couple moments and listen to this very powerful song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6_lYk8cfIo

On our way back from the courthouse, one of my sweet girls said to me, “Miss Hill, my mom always says, ‘You’re always running to or away from something. I think those people are just running the wrong way.’"  I couldn’t agree with my student more.

With those thoughts in your mind, let me ask you this:

Who in your realm of influence is “running the wrong way” today? You don't have the luxury of lingering. Talk to them (in love) about it today.

What/who do you need to ask God to break your heart for? You shouldn't have the comfort of complacency. Ask Him to expand the borders of your compassion, starting even now.

Where would you be “were it not for grace”? Truly think about the answer to that question for a few moments, but please don't linger there. Instead, shift your eyes and your heart's focus to the One Who freely gives you His grace today. Thank Him for Who He has made you to be. Even more so, thank Him for who you aren't today. Thank Him for His gift of grace to you. 

If you have 7 extra minutes to listen to this, I feel as though it would be fitting here and worth your time:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGMG_PVaJoI