The Roadless Journey

The roadless journey

Most roads take us on fairly predictable journeys. But what about the journeys that take us off-road and come at us as a surprise? Does it all have purposeful design in each and every step of the way?

Some days I readily accept and believe that they do. On other days, I tend to doubt it.

Thoughts like these and many others have run rampant through my mind since the moment my fiancé found out for sure he'd be on 400 day orders with the US Army and deployed back in November.

I'm often nudged/reminded of very small, yet very significant pieces of truth along the way. Things like where the Bible says, "A man plans his ways, but his steps are ordered of The Lord." Oh. So. True. Even when we don't know the details or the details are ever-changing, God knows the plan from beginning to the ending. As one of my all-time favorite speakers/authors Priscilla Shirer once said, "Everything that comes into our lives passes through the fingertips of the hand of a sovereign God." I'm convinced He's in control. He's got this. He's working all things for good.

Many verses/songs from my childhood remind me of truths like, "This is the day The Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." I must admit it's much easier to sing those things as a five year old in what I used to call "Scunday School class" than it is to live them out in the realities of everyday life. Am I rejoicing in every day that God gives me? Are you? If not, why are we not?

Deployments aren't easy, and I know that even though it's a first for me, I'm not the only one who's faced this before. Tons face deployment, on both sides, all the time. In fact, lots are currently facing it right now, so that we can continue on in our daily, uninterrupted freedoms. (side note: We could all be more gentle and loving in how we express our "right" to those freedoms, could we not?)

For you, it may not be deployment. It doesn't have to be. Just fill in the blank with whatever difficulty, obstacle, confusion, not-going-according-to-my-plans ordeal you're currently going through, and I challenge you to make a list of what (positive) lessons it's teaching you about yourself, life in general, and God Himself.

A couple of things I've already learned from this deployment are this:

1. Hellos get sweeter, but goodbyes never get easier. Hug the people you can today. Send long-distance love to those you can't.

2. The general American population needs a world map of common sense. "E-raq" is not a place, people. On any continent. on Earth. At all.

3. I'm engaged to the strongest, yet sweetest man I know. His commitment to serve me and others is unmatched. I love watching and following his example. I'm thankful God gave him to me.

4. I can trust an all-knowing and always-loving God with the days, weeks, and months ahead on this roadless journey. When the time of the journey is unknown and the road that marks a clear path ahead is seemingly erased (or never forged in the first place), I can still trust God. He never changes.

5. We can all be more appreciative of people, time, and the fleeting moments we have together.

6. Make the best of today. It's all we're given at a time.

Fear: redirected

Over the past couple of days, I’ve experienced some not-so-fun events of life in both professional and personal realms. These circumstances and situations have taken me back, made me pause, and definitely made me think, over-think, and think some more. Overall, they’ve bothered me more than they should’ve for the wrong reasons, and not bothered me enough for the right reasons. I know I’m being vague here – that’s part of the point.  Because, really, these situations – they’re not about me. 

There’s a much bigger principle and lesson to learn for all of us here.

Throughout it all this week, I’ve come to the grips why these things have bothered me so. Each of these situations has attacked me at a point of my great weakness – they have threatened to take away the things I love the most. Put another way, they have pinpointed some of my personal fears.

Some may be able to relate and say God is using this for His glory and just getting my attention and heart’s focus back fixated on Him. (a.k.a. Leading me to the Rock that is Higher than I.) Some may look closer at the situations I’ve faced and say it’s an all-out-spiritual-warfare-of-the-soul that Satan’s using to attack me, threaten my hope, steal my joy, and confuse and distract from what my God is doing in my life.

Regardless of the “why’s,” I read a verse today that was completely helpful and hit me right where I’m living this week. It’s in Philippians 2:12-13, which urges us to work out our own faith or own salvation with fear and trembling since it is God Himself working in us.

Oftentimes, when we teach verses like this to our little ones (in my case, to my students at LCA), we would take some time to explain that “fear“ in the Bible oftentimes stands for “respect,” as in “fear the Lord” means to simply respect the Lord, His name, His Word, His principles on life, etc. This is how it was taught to me, and I do believe that meaning does hold true in many instances. However, in this case in Philippians 2:12-13, I tend to disagree. (and I could be totally wrong on this… I am willing to be corrected if I am.) I tend to think we should take the words “fear and trembling” literally or for their “face value.”

The many things we fear in life, whether real or perceived, create negative feelings in us that threaten to harm something inside of us. In some cases, it transfers out to an actual physical trembling of the body. I think no different definition for the words “fear and trembling” would suffice in the case of Philippians 2. We should have a reverent fear and an actual trembling of what God is doing in our lives to enable us to work out our own faith or our own salvation.

Much like the things I’ve encountered this week, those situations and circumstances in our lives aren’t fun to face… and they’re oftentimes heavy to handle… but they’re exactly what God uses to grow our faith.

Fear redirected in light of this verse in Philippians 2 produces faith beyond comprehension and a God-given peace that’s unshakable, yet worth trembling over.

Microscopes, Telescopes, and a Perspective Shifted

First of all, I want to thank the well-known-yet-ever-humble John Piper for the idea/concept behind the third part of this post. Sometimes, it takes a mouthpiece/instrument of God to verbalize what our hearts and minds are going through. To speak into our lives what our hearts are already overflowing with. To recognize it’s okay to acknowledge where we are and remember that God is so-big-and-powerful, yet right-in-our-midst – even and especially when we don’t “feel” it to be true.

Part 1: Words

To start, let’s go here: There’s power in words. I know this to be true. You know this to be true. We’ve all felt the stings, zings, and overwhelming things people can inflict or infuse into us with their words. Knowing that words have power is more than a first-hand experiential knowledge, however. It’s Biblical truth.

In fact, the Bible says that life and death are in the power of the tongue.

Life.

And.

Death.

Before you open your mouth to pronounce another syllable, let that sink in for just a moment. You’re either giving life or taking it away by the words you say.

(Now, after we’ve all self-committed to fasting from talking for a while, join me in exploring/reading the following….)

Yes, my friend, there’s power in words. As a teacher, I know this to be true. Just recently, I taught a lesson on the power of the tongue to my little ones, kiddos, students, etc. the other month in Bible class. We discussed when and how and why and where and to what extent we should talk (and not talk) to honor God and uplift others. We mentioned that silence is sometimes the most encouraging breath you can take and the most encouraging word you can speak. They’re only 9 and 10 years old, but they’re getting it. Well, all except for the ultra-chatty one in the far back right corner. [Enter: Sunday school song lyrics, “It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars, how loving and patient He must be…. He’s still working on me.”] I tease, I (kind of) tease. He’s still working on all of us, is He not? I’m ever-grateful for that. J

[Notice, I said silence is sometimes the most encouraging word you can speak, not absenteeism... but that’s another blog for another time.]

As we continued on into the lesson on our words, we demonstrated Bible verses about our tongues and about our words by incorporating experiments with sour patch kids and fireballs. Ironically, all the kids left my classroom talking about it all. [My hope and prayer is that they left talking about the candy AND the Bible verses that went with them. Not. Just. The. Candy.]

Yes, my friend, there’s power in words. (and candy!)

As a writer-in-my-mind-and-in-my-own-little-world, I especially know this to be true. Words can move us to action. They can kick us in the tail, sometimes. They can be used to kick someone else’s tail into action. Words, sound effects, and the like can be used get on someone else’s nerves [enter the Despicable Me 2 minion sound-effect “BE DOO BE DOO BEEE DOOOO…”…. As parents and teachers of little ones who’ve seen this movie, you’ll understand]. I digress.

Words can be used to heal. (Oh my, yes, they can.)

They can be used to hurt. (“Oh, no they didn’t!”)

And they can be used for a variety of purposes in-between on the heal/hurt spectrum of life.

In case you haven’t gotten it yet, you see, there’s power in words, my friend.

Your words.

My words.

Words in general.

There’s a bunch of sucker-punch-power-potential there.

Part 2: Perspectives

Which leads me to this: Words come from perspectives.

Take this mental survey-of-sorts:

If someone has hurt you recently with their words, have you taken a moment to step back and look at their perspective on life? Are they themselves hurting? Deeply? And it just happened to ooze out on you?

If someone is trying to control or manipulate you through their words, are they themselves being manipulated or controlled? Or, rather, are they out-of-control themselves?

If someone has recently encouraged you (even in the slightest way), despite what they are going through, perhaps, they’ve caught a glimpse of the Comforter Himself?

You see, if I could pause here for a moment and make a life-observation, it would be this: Life is all about perspective. We trivialize it and sometimes compartmentalize it and oftentimes think life’s about words, the power they carry, and how we use them or how they are used against us.

Many battlegrounds are created and self-protective-fortresses are built in our lives around the words we choose to use and the ones we let penetrate our hearts and feelings. Entire kingdoms rise and fall on the power of the spoken word, which turn into disputes, wars, etc. But allow me to go back here for second with you: our words come from our perspectives on life.

Not only does the Bible say that our tongues contain the power of life and death, but it also says that our words are an abundance of what is in our hearts (a.k.a. our perspectives on life).

Everything we say is filtered through how we perceive things, which leads me to John Piper’s devotional and message from this morning….

Part 3: John Piper on Microscopes, Telescopes, and Perspective Shifts

This morning, I got up as I usually do and decided to read a devotional out of the John Piper app on my Iphone. I normally listen to John Piper in a hit-or-miss fashion, but I’ve been trying to listen to him more consistently, as he’s one of my fiancés’ favorite preachers as well as a humble-yet-wise-and-insightful man of God. After reading the devotional on the app, I was intrigued and couldn’t help but follow the link to listen to the sermon that goes with it.

Here it is in its entirety, in case you are interested and have the time:

http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/i-will-magnify-god-with-thanksgiving

Basically put, he was describing what David meant in the Psalms when He was saying, “My soul magnifies the LORD.” He wasn’t acknowledging that God was small, and so he had to, like a microscope, make Him seem or appear bigger than what He was. He was acknowledging that David was magnifying the LORD, like a telescope would magnify the fullness of the expanse of all the galaxies in the universe.

David was simply showing the bigness and the greatness and the grandeur of Who God is.

Part 4: Ok, so, how does this all fit together?

Well, in my mind, it simply and perfectly does all fit together.

1. Words are like microscopes. Yes, they have power. That’s Biblical. But they shouldn’t control our perspectives in life. Our words spring from our perspectives, not the other way around.

We get so hung up on the “why did he say that” ‘s and the “I wonder what she meant when she said that” ‘s of life. We get so detailed. So over-analyzing. So hurt. Over the pettiest things in life. We magnify others’ words and intentions like microscopes.

We triumph in torture over the trivial.

We pause and pose on the pedestal of the petty.

Quite honestly, we “prayer request,” gossip, and linger on the grounds of very ungodly topics of conversation.

In other words, we oftentimes major on the minors.

We all do.

2. Perspectives are like telescopes. There are certain things in life that cause us to shift our perspectives. More often than not, it’s the sad circumstances of life that get our attention long enough to force us to do this. For me, it probably comes as no surprise that my fiancés’ deployment has prompted this in my own heart.

If I can make a confession in all of this, it’s this: I spend waaaay too much of my life on the microscope issues of life. Not just overanalyzing other peoples’ words and intentions, but a whole slew of in-the-grand-scheme-of-things-microscopic-issues-of-life.

As a teacher of fourth graders, it’s oh-so-easy to major on the minors. If I were to explain this to you 

fully, I’m sure it’d be humorous and sad all in the same stroke.

It’s easy to let things, words, minor issues, etc. taint my perspective of life and frame my opinion and day-to-day beliefs about God. It’s easy to take life with a microscopic view.

And often we do.

Because it’s what we know to do.

It’s what’s comfortable.

It’s what’s modeled to us at every turn.

But through all of my babbling this morning, I end with this challenge: Sit back.  Zoom out. Marinade in your own silence for a bit.

Put down the microscope of your own hurts or current situation-of-the-day.

Pick up your telescope and join David in magnifying God for Who He is and what He is actively doing admist and in-the-midst of the events in your microscopic world.

Giving Credit Where Credit is Due

When most people go to the movies, they leave during the ending credits. That is, unless there’s an after-show preview (for lack of knowing the name of those things, let’s just call it “an after-show preview”). I’ve always known this to be true; mainly, because I’ve done it. Yes, I am one of the many people who leave during the credits, too. [ or… I used to…]

Yesterday, this thought was refreshed in my mind because I showed a short video clip to my students. And guess what? They did the same thing. No, they didn’t get up, leave, and retire their educational-careers at the ripe old age of discovering-double-digits. But their responses were starkly similar to people in a movie theatre. All was quiet-and-attentive on the homefront during the video. Immediately after the movie was over and the credits began to roll, it was like a talking-levee broke through in the classroom. Silence, in that moment, was no longer an option. ADD was present, and no amount of training or Ritalin was going to calm down the chatter.

As small-and-insignificant things oftentimes do, this incident made me think. Why don’t we stop and watch the credits? Why couldn’t my students maintain 30 more seconds of respectable decency while the credits rolled? Without the people’s names on that screen, what we just enjoyed would not have been created. None of us would have been entertained, excited, intrigued, or inspired. In that moment, none of “us” seemed to care.

Sadly, I’m afraid this mentality seamlessly transfers, slowly leaks, and heavily spills into many other portions of our lives as well. It’ human nature not to give credit where credit is due. See a cute idea on Pinterest? We re-pin it and say, “Oh, I found it on Pinterest” (with no acknowledgement for whose idea it originally was and whose name all-the-creativity-credit belongs to). There are plenty of other examples of this going around, too. I’m not going to take the time and give credit to each example. [enter: the definition of irony, credit: Webster] You get the idea….I feel like it's a fairly simple concept.

With all said, who in your life do you need to give credit to? Does someone you know need to receive the credit and honor for the hard work they’ve done – whatever it may be? Phone calls, letters in the mail, and face-to-face-encouragement-chats work wonders for these kind of things.

Do you need time to sit and thank God for all the things He’s done even-just-oh-so-recently for you? There’s a lot of His names in His Book that explain the kind of work and business He’s into. Start looking at those "credits," and I'm certain you'll want to see/hear/know more.

Don’t let the credits in your life go unnoticed or skipped altogether. You’ve experienced many stories and adventures that make you laugh, cry, and connect with you on so many levels in between.

It’s time to give credit where credit is due.

Engagement, Deployment, and Living in the God Margin

As I type this, tears begin to sting my eyes, which is exactly why I’ve avoided writing for a while because I knew this would happen.

Each one of the words/phrases above: “engagement,” “deployment,” and “Living in the God Margin” bring a host of emotions to the table that words alone cannot justly or appropriately serve.

Since I don’t even know where to begin, I’ll simply start here:

Every good story has a certain amount of shock value to it.  From children’s literature to screen plays, twists, turns, and surprise endings catch us at every corner and keep us coming back and browsing around for more.

This October, I have lived what some may call a “great adventure,” ridden what some may term an “emotional rollercoaster,” and experienced what some may even deem a “God encounter.“ While I’m honestly still trying to sort everything out and process it all, allow me to share with you my story…

It all started on Wednesday, October 2^nd. My school (LCA) decided to place this nice little nugget of rest and relaxation called “fall break” into our school schedule. (Yes, please!)

Since my boyfriend-at-the-time and I are both from Jacksonville, we decided to take advantage of this time and make a quick trip to see our families. We traveled a good portion of the day and well into the night to get there.

The next morning, Thursday, October 3^rd, we continued to spend time with our families, with Jeff meeting some of my family for the first time. Truly, this was exactly the break/vacation we both needed at this time in our personal lives, careers, etc.

Leading up to this weekend, I had some distant clues in my mind concerning the status of Jeff and my relationship, especially in regards to moving towards engagement. A few “clues” included my dad’s name showing up on Jeff’s phone as a recently missed call, Jeff talking about proposing to me at the Liberty football games, and Jeff’s request that I “get fancy” for our date set for the night of Thursday, October 3^rd.

To counteract all these clues, quite a few buffers were in place:

1.     My sister convinced me that there are tons of “Bill Hill’s” in the world, and I shouldn’t worry about the name on Jeff’s phone. She tried to convince me that he probably knew another guy with the same name that our dad had, which I readily (and gullibly) believed.

2.     As for the Liberty game proposal, Jeff teased me about this quite regularly, actually. So much so that my prayers began to shift in the direction of God helping me to avoid going to Liberty games altogether. Something about college students and football didn’t scream life-long romance to me. (I was hoping it didn’t for him as well.)

3.     Getting fancy for our date that night should have been a big clue to me. There was no buffer in place for this one. We don’t get fancy often. Or ever, really. However, I didn’t think this through all the way as being some set-up for a proposal night. (probably because we were nowhere near the Liberty stadium, by this point)

With all said, the night started out like any other night. Jeff was staying with his sister, Vicky, who lives near the Intracoastal. I was staying with my parents, who live on the Westside of town. Due to sheer distance, traffic, and a major bridge in town being shut down (forever?), it took Jeff quite the time to get to my house to pick me up for our fancy-date-on-a-Thursday-night. That’s ok though because Hazards aren’t always prompt. (We’re getting better, though. :-) )

Once in the car, Jeff mentioned that we were going to go to the Cheesecake factory for dinner, but he forgot his wallet. Without skipping a beat, I offered to pay (since we were already running later than expected). Jeff, very quickly, added, “No. This is DATE NIGHT. We’ll just swing by Vicky’s house to get my wallet.” Plus, I hadn’t seen his family since we had gotten back to town, so it would be a good stop all-around.

Once we got to Vicky’s house, no cars were parked outside, and all the lights in the house were off. After commenting that it looked like no one was home and I was just going to stay in the car, Jeff convinced me to come inside for a moment. He led me from the front door to the backyard, where luminaries and tiki torches lighted a pathway to a sweetly-decorated table on the dock. My first thoughts surrounded the thought of dinner... Were we eating here tonight? If so, who was cooking? Neither Jeff nor I have much experience in that area. (Spoiler alert: We are attaching applications for a full-time chef on our wedding registry.)

Before I could say anything further, Jeff spoke up, “I bought you something.” On the table sat a huge box, wrapped and decorated in a yellow bow (which is my favorite color…. Love is oftentimes evidenced and traced in the smallest of details of our daily lives.) Faster than I could think about it, I began to open up the gift Jeff prepared for me. Inside this huge box was a much smaller bag. That bag then contained a small box. Inside the small box was a jewelry box. The jewelry box contained all of the love and life-long commitment of the precious, good man standing in front of me. (Not to mention, a gorgeous diamond ring that now will grace my presence all the days of my life.)

Trying to process and take in all of what was happening in that moment, Jeff asked to hold the ring, and I began to listen as he explained to me all the reasons he wanted to marry me. From the heart of the sweetest man I know came some of the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard. He complimented me. He quoted Scripture to me. He was right in the middle of it all when suddenly I had this crazy-thought, “We’re standing on a dock. What if he drops the ring into the water?! It’s dark out here. I don’t want to be scuba diving for this thing…”

So what did I do? I interrupted him. That’s right; I completely ruined the moment by asking, “Can I put on the ring now?” To which he replied, “Can I ask you first?” He then got down on one knee and asked the question I’ve longed to hear all my life, “Rosemary, it would be my great honor to love and serve you for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?” I oh-so-readily said, “Yes,” put on the ring, got engaged just-like-that to the man of my dreams who I love with all of my little heart, and promptly got teased for being a gold-digger.

We immediately shared the news with Vicky and Ricky, who were inside taking pictures through the windows the whole time. We then finished out our evening with dinner, dessert, and flashbacks to the 90s via the music-selections-of-the-night at an outside table at the Cheesecake Factory. Perfect weather. Perfect night. A perfect start to a new phase of life.

Talks and plans for a wedding began to take shape, and even a tentative wedding date was decided upon: June 21, 2014 in Jacksonville, Florida in the church where my parents were married.

----------------------

Then, not even two weeks later, Wednesday, October 16, 2013 happened.

For quite a while, Jeff and I and several, several, several others have been praying over some pending deployment orders that Jeff may/may not have to go to Afghanistan for 400 days, starting on November 18^th (his birthday). More than anything else in my life, I was oh-so-certain that these orders would be canceled. I just knew it in my heart that my prayers agreed with the heart of God. That these pending orders were a test. And this was just a time of casting all worries, cares, and concerns upon the Lord. A time of testing the waters. A time of trusting Him fully. A time of giving Him the glory when He answered all of our prayers the way we wanted Him to.

But I was wrong. My specific prayers didn’t exactly match the heart of God, in this case. Jeff received his official orders on Wednesday, October 16, 2013 for Afghanistan for 400 days, starting on November 18^th.

My mind can’t comprehend this. My heart can’t understand this. I simply don’t know how to handle it because I’ve never had to experience something like this before.

Before I go much further, let me clear this up: God is trustworthy. God is loving, and He is kind. God is sovereign. God is faithful. He is my Heavenly Daddy and wouldn’t do anything out of harm to me; but rather, performs, moves, and acts out of His deep love for me. My circumstances don’t dictate the character of my God.

God most definitely uses my circumstances, however, in how I relate to Him and grow closer to Him.

Enter: the Concept of the God Margin

A margin is that space (5 spaces, precisely) where nothing is typed on a paper. For English majors, it’s that formal space set-aside to start a new paragraph, a new thought, a new line, a new direction, etc. For many who quickly look, there’s nothing there to see. For those who look harder, there’s everything there to see.

Without the margin, new paragraphs wouldn’t be properly formed. Without the margin, new thoughts may not be properly recorded. New lines would blur into old ones, and new directions may not be attempted or forged through at all.

With the margin, the possibilities are endless. The paragraph is new. The thought is fresh. The new line is waiting to be written. The new direction is yours for the taking.

In the next couple-of-handfuls of hours, days, weeks, months, (year?) of Jeff’s deployment, I’m viewing it and labeling it as the “God Margin” in our lives. It’s a big space of unknowns for me, him, and us.  We can blast right through it, trying to type or write or add in our own details. Or we can pause, thank God for His ever-different-from-our ways, and give Him glory for the margins He places in our lives. I’m unsure what all will happen in the next chunk of time in our lives, but I am certain of this: margins always serve their purpose.

God is a God of purpose. With Him, nothing is wasted. Everything is on purpose.

I look forward to seeing what He is going to do during this time of waiting, trusting, relying, and growing in Him. May He receive the glory that is so due to His name. May we just be instruments of His praises.

As before mentioned, every good story comes with a certain amount of shock value. My October-month has definitely been an emotionally-shocking one, but I know there is value and beauty in every step of this journey. 

Besides, I would argue that a great story isn’t in the shock value. In fact, it isn’t even in the story’s ending. Every great story’s genius is found in the screen play writer. Appreciate the margins, the twists, and the turns, even if you don’t understand them. And trust the hands of the One Who’s holding and actively writing the script.

That's what I'm striving to do.

I'm constantly reminding myself of this: He’s got the whole world in His hands. And I’m certain He’s got this, too.

I wonder... have you ever had a "God Margin" in your life? ...that time and space where all of you leaves off, and all of God steps in...

If so, what did you do during that time?

Better yet, what did God do?

Kid Theology, Child-Like Faith, and Not Confusing the Two

Have a few minutes to spare? If so, enter my classroom at-a-glance and appreciate this teachable moment with me:

So there I was.... teaching the kids in my Bible class about Jesus' forgiving mercy. As I was listing off examples from the top of my head of people in the Bible who Jesus demonstrated his kindness, mercy, and forgiveness to, God quickly brought to mind the woman at the well. 

Of course, He would bring the woman at the well to my mind in this moment. 

But these are kids, my thoughts said back to the Lord. How in the world are they going to understand that situation? Really, Lord, how am I supposed to set this one up? My mind continued to reel. As the words began coming out of my mouth, I realized (faster than I could stop and think about it) that I was mid-story with no chance of turning back. 

I think I explained her as somewhat of a "bad best friend" who "couldn't get along with any husband who lived in her house," so she "kept trying again until she could get it right," or something to that effect. You get the idea. It was.... well, awkward. I was about to tell God this very thing in my mind when a hand shot up.

Thank you, Jesus.

Amidst my fumble-of-words, a kid seemed interested in what I was saying and longed to intercept the conversation.  He was full-on engaged, son. Go ahead, child, be my guest. (Let's be real: At this point, I didn't even care which team got the points for this one.)

Not willing to interrupt the chance to have a teachable moment, and more than willing to allow someone else to talk and interrupt the flow of my awkward, kid-version-ized, mini-inpromptu-Bible lesson, I called on the kid in the front row. (Ahem, warning: it just got more awkward from here.)

Student: "I know who the woman at the well was married to."

Me: "Really? The Bible doesn't really give us the names of who she married...."

Student (cutting me off): "But no. I know who she was married to. She was married to Moses AND Noah."

............................... (pause)

...............................................................(longer pause for dramatic effect)

...........(shorten pause so I can say something quick, so the other students don't think I agree and am teaching this to be true... I don't want 115 dinner table conversations to be centered around this...and I don't want to answer the 115 emails as a result.)

As any good teacher would do, I had a moment of silence. I, in fact, allowed everyone to have an unannounced moment of silence. To be honest, we may have had an entire 60-second-moment-of-silence. It may have been the best minute spent in the classroom that day.

During that short-but-long minute's time, I realized we were getting way off-track from the mercy-and-kindness-and-forgiveness-of-Jesus lesson by this point, so I decided to abort ship and end it all with this phrase:

"I know the Bible doesn't specifically tell us the names of the men she married, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't either of those guys."

Student's response: "Well, we don't know... maybe it was."

Me: "Well, whoever she married, God loved and forgave them all. His mercy extends to all, right?"

Student's response: "Yeah, you're right."

Mission accomplished.

I say all that to laugh-in-retrospect and say this: there is a difference between kid theology and child-like faith. Jesus instructs us to have child-like faith, not kid-sized theology.

Kid theology, much like the confusion life's circumstances often hand us, can sometimes be comical. Sometimes.

But oftentimes (if we're being real), confusion is not comical. It's really not. A lot of times, it's just annoying. Deep-seated in wrong thinking. Simply (yet severely) off-base. And resulting in words and actions that are flat-out-wrong.


Life is confusing. It doesn't have to be, but sometimes it can be. It most definitely can be.

It's not a matter of if we will be confused at some point in our lives. It's a matter of when.

It's not a matter of what will confuse or discourage us, but how we chose to handle it.

It's not a matter of if we understand or not, it's a matter of deeply knowing the all-understanding God we serve throughout all of life's understanding and misunderstanding moments.

Confusion: Defined (Rosemary-style)

If I were allowed to pick apart this word "confuse" and define it in my own way, it would look/sound something like this:

The beginning part of this word starts with "con." In English, this word refers to something negative or someone who steals, manipulates, tricks you out of something. (i.e. con artist) Since my brain is consistently in limbo of half-Spanish-translated-English, let's pause on that English meaning for just a moment and pop over to what "con" means in Spanish. It simply means "with." Now before you put on your birthday sombrero and feel fancy enough to order something in a Mexican restaurant in Spanish without looking muy ridiculoso, let's stop. Let's skip back over to English for the second part of the word "confuse."

The last part of the word "confuse" ends with "fuse." We all know what a "fuse" is. And sadly, we know what a "short fuse" is (whether it's in a car, a person, etc.). If you're like me, you've met quite a few people recently who own their short fuse and take up residence within it like it's their full-time job to maintain and pay mortgage payments on it. {I digress.}

With all that Rosemary-made-up definition of the word "confuse" put together, the word in my mind simply holds this truth: 

The confusing means/things in life (i.e. the change, the transitions, the things we don't understand, the things we cannot control) have packed with them the ability to come with/to explosive ends.

Furthermore, explosive people or explosive situations (whatever that may look like in your life specifically) simply result from change, transition, misunderstandings, and/or lack of control. To tackle this concept, let's first look at the source of it all.

The Source

I could babble on about how that... "Sometimes confusion comes in a package deal with change or transition that's not within our realm of control. Confusion surprises us. But it isn't always a welcomed surprise, either. Confusion oftentimes doesn't surprise us in a confetti-in-your-parade, all-is-right-in-the-world, walking-on-sunshine-(Woah-Oh!)-and-don't-it-feel-good kind of way. It sneaks in on us and has the capability to severely upset us, more like an-ex-boyfriend-coming-to-your-wedding-uninvited-and-saying-he-still-cares-for-you kind of way. It shocks us. It sets us off-guard.
It frightens us.
It frustrates us.
It confuses us. 
When we get confused, we feel powerless and frustration results."


We oftentimes like to blame confusion on the things going on around us. However, I will skip that approach and simply go to what the Bible teaches about confusion. Confusion isn't circumstantial. It's spiritual. Confusion is a direct result of brokenness. Of sin. Of something ill-calibrated, yet calculatedly-off.

1. The Bible tells us that confusion can result from the ongoing condition our very own hearts. We can't trust our hearts (ever) because they deceive us all the time. "The heart is desperately wicked. Who can know it?" 

2. The Bible also teaches us that Satan is the mastermind behind and the CEO of deception. The Bible puts it this way: He's roaring about "like a lion, seeking whom He may devour."


Plain and simple, the Bible teaches that the spirit of confusion does not come from God. Therefore, it must come from opposing forces/spirits. Satan. Or our own flesh.  (READ: not our circumstances, they're scapegoats to the much larger issue(s) at play here)

Now that we understand the Biblical source of every sort, kind, and mixed-breed of confusion, let's dabble a moment in the solution.

The Solution

1. The Bible teaches us, "Above all, guard your hearts for out of it comes the wellspring of life." Put guards over the fuses and con-fuses you've got burned in your life today by going to the source of your problem. Your heart. Put guards over the short fuses, as evidenced in the lives of those around you, by praying for your enemies, blessing those who curse you, and doing good to those who despitefully use you and persecute you for righteousness' sake.

2. The Bible teaches us, "Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." To "flee temptation." And to "Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you." When things make sense, read your Bible. When things are confusing and don't make sense, read your Bible more.

Handle confusing situations with truth.
Don't fill in the blanks with things you don't know to be true.

In other words, don't have Moses AND Noah marry the woman at the well. Let her remain married/divorced to six (seven?) of the nameless ones. (They'll both write you thank you notes for that later.)

It's ok to have I-can't-fill-in-the-blanks-on-this-one moments with some things in life. Everything doesn't have to make sense in this moment.
When we try to fill-in-the-blanks, the result we get is awkward kid theology.

The only thing Jesus ever commands in this realm is child-like faith.

What do you do with life's unwanted surprises?

What do you do with life's unwanted surprises?

Every now and then, I get a song stuck in my heart/head and just have to bust out singing it at random intervals throughout my day. Mostly, I find myself being urged to sing when I’m in my car or just wandering throughout my apartment. (My roommate can vouch for that…. or, really, anyone who has ever sat next to me at a red light or a stop sign could vouch for it too. #I’mthatgirl )

The current song on the playlist of my mind? A song from children’s church. Not from a children’s church that I’m currently serving in, or anything. But from the recesses of my own recounting of childhood children’s church memories from the 1990s. The song is simple. It’s child-like. But it also packs a lot of theology. Without further delay, it goes something like this, “He’s able… He’s able… I know He’s able... I know my Lord is able to carry me through.” (and when I’m done with that part, I simply repeat it. Over and over again. Partially because I like it and need a constant reminder of the truth of its words. And partially due to my lack of remembering any of the other words)

Tie that ancient song memory from the Rosemary Hill memory archives, which aren’t that extensive to begin with…. Add in the fact that recently life keeps handing me surprises. And multiply that by the fact that I don’t even like surprises, and you’ll soon see where I’m coming from with all of this.

Notice in the above statement that I said, “Life is handing me ‘surprises.’” It’s not handing me some cliché’ lemons to help me add some southern charm and sugar to the situation(s) and make life’s ever-anticipated-lemonade. Let’s be real for a moment, shall we?  I doubt I even have the amount of sugar, the amount of energy, or the amount of sweet southern charm to turn some of these sour situations into goodness.  At least, from my tainted and limited perspective, I can’t.

That’s why these surprises are not simply lemons to turn into lemonade. These things are not in my control to shift into a positive direction. My attitude, actions, reactions, and words are within the realm of my control, but these situations, perceptions, conflicts, circumstances, “life’s surprises,” etc. are not.

What are some surprises I’ve been handed lately? I’m glad you asked.

To start, I’m teaching Bible this year. To 115 fourth graders. That wasn’t in my plans until about a week before school started, but I’m pretty sure it was in God’s plans for my life before I was formed in my momma’s “belly.”

I haven’t talked to him about it, but I’m pretty sure Satan doesn’t like that I’m training up champions for Christ at 100-plus count a day. Because of that, he’s going to attack me with situations that steal my joy. Combat me with conversations (in person, email, or otherwise) that contend for my time and emotional/physical energy. Bombard me with things that bother level of passion for my Lord. And so on. Sadly, on some days, he’s won. He’s stole my joy. He’s zapped my energy. Completely. He’s redirected focus or taken away my passion for what I’ve been called to do (note: not just “trained” or “educated” to do, “called” to do).

I’m not able to compete with that, but I’m done with letting him win. Victory is an earned luxury reserved for the Jesus in me to handle. Know why? Because…

“He’s able… He’s able… I know He’s able… I know my Lord is able to carry me through.”

The madness continues…

On the personal front, my boyfriend just found out he’s getting deployed in a few months. Again. For the third time, actually. He’s actively serving God in church here in Lynchburg. He’s even attending classes in seminary to train for future (and present-day) ministry. He loves people unlike anyone else I’ve ever seen. Why does he have to go? Why him? Why now? Just when things are fitting together here, he’s yanked to go there.

I’m not wired to understand that. Or appreciate that, at this current moment in time. That’s a job for the Jesus in my to surpass my knowledge and enable me “to lean not on my own understanding, but in all my ways to acknowledge Him.”  As I do so, He’s confidently, consistently, and carefully directing my (and my boyfriend’s) path(s). Know why? Because…

“He’s able… He’s able… I know He’s able… I know my Lord is able to carry me through.”

And the “surprises” don’t stop there…

In my family, my mom’s health isn’t great. Dad’s still healing from his hip replacement surgery, and sister’s been called for jury duty again like it’s her own personal hobby. (I think this makes 3 times in a year. Is that even legal?) I just don’t get it.

But through salvation and my relationship with Jesus, I get Him, the Holy Spirit. And all the comfort and hope and peace and help that He alone provides.

Know why? Because…

“He’s able… He’s able… I KNOW He’s able… I know my Lord is able to carry me through.”

That’s not all I’m facing, and I’m 100% certain it’s not all the surprises in life that I’ll ever face, but I’m confident of this fact. Whatever may come my way, “He’s able. He’s able. I know He’s able. I know my Lord is able to carry me through.”

What do you do with the surprises life hands your way?

Cry it out.

Sing it out.

Pray it out.

Do whatever it is you need to do,

but at the end of the day, remember this:

He’s able to carry you through, too.

Waking Up Whiny

Waking up Whiny: What Lipgloss Teaches about Life

This morning was a strange event for me. Let me explain: I'm typically a morning person during seasons of routine and order in my life. And I'm (for the most part) a go-getter, once I finally make it out of bed on my not-so-structured-summer mornings as well. But this morning was different.

For some strange reason, I woke up whiny. Thankfully, I'm currently living roommate-less, so no one was around to see or hear me. (To clarify, I wasn't talking aloud to myself. The whininess was really more revealed in my attitude and thoughts. But still.)

If you're anything like me, you probably forget all-the-time the presence of the Lord. And how it is He that is always with you. He, Who always goes before you. He, Who is a a Shelter in the times of storm. He, Who is your Rear-guard and your Defender. He, Who overwhelms and satisfies your soul. He, Whose joy gives you strength. He, Whose salvation brings you hope. And He, Whose omnipresence hears, sees, and knows all of your whiny-wake-up-moments. Yet, He loves you just the same.

As least, I know I  temporarily forgot all of those things this morning.

So, here I am, this morning, waking up all-six-year-old-and-whiny-like. Some may call it "waking up on the wrong side of the bed." Some may even remedy it by going back to bed. Any way you call it or any way you look at it, my attitude had nothing to do with my bed, the amount of rest I had last night, or any of my surrounding circumstances at all. This morning, my attitude had everything to do with ME.

And I'm not talking about the outside ME that everyone sees smiling and somewhat put-together. I'm talking about the inside ME that only God and I see and know. The ME that never seems to be all put-together.

It gets worse. You may be wondering, "What made you so whiny this morning?" I'm not really glad you asked, but here goes…

The source of today's pouty-ness was so trivial that I'm embarrassed to share it, but I feel the need to share because of what God taught me through it.

The reason I woke up whiny this morning is this: I noticed this morning as I was getting ready for the day that I am rapidly running out of my favorite lip gloss. There it is. That's what controlled me this morning.

To further explain, I only own one lip gloss and once that's done, then I'm onto the reserves of chap-stick. Chap-stick is a winter necessity, not a summer commodity. Just as I was getting my panties in a wad over how expensive life was getting to be these days and the inconvenience of having to get some more $6-$8 lipgloss, God convicted me. Here's what He told my heart:

It's not about the sheen on your lips, Rosemary.

It's about the sheen over your heart.

You see, right around the same time of my horrible-attitude-over-lipgloss-for-crying-out-loud fiasco this morning, a friend texted me, thanking me for my prayers for her sick-and-dying family pet. Another friend mentioned how sweet she thought I was for offering to help with packing and moving. And a third (Yes, God really drove His point home to me via friend text messages this morning!) text came through, acknowledging thanks for my friendship and godly example over the years. 

All that to say this: It's as easy to throw a sheen on our hearts, pretending everything's okay, as it is to apply lip gloss and look good for the world around us. At the end of the day, the lip gloss fades. (News Flash: You'll eventually have to buy more. Sigh.) Heart-attitudes surface. What you once thought would be concealed and hidden will be exposed and open for all to plainly see.

Despite the Godly friendships in my life and the compliments via text messages this morning, my heart was rotten. My attitude was stinky. My right standing with God set off on the wrong foot this morning. And my God was ever-faithful and loving enough to let me know about it.

After acknowledging all of this and being convicted this morning, I had no where else to turn but David's cry/prayer in Psalm 51:10. Here it is in the KJV translation: 

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

(Warning: The grammar teacher inside of me is about to have class.)

Re-read those sentences.

Notice the action verbs: create and renew.

Who is the subject of these thoughts?

God is, right?

Notice what it's all about. It's not about us covering the undesirable parts with a sheen. 

It's about Him creating something new inside of us, making us clean.

(You're welcome for that rhyme, but seriously.)

It's about Him renewing a right spirit inside of us, as we ask, beg, and call upon Him to do so.

Whether it's lip gloss or layers of heart sheen, in both instances, know that He already knows what's underneath.

Stop waking up cranky over things as petty as lip gloss (or fill-in-the-blank), and join with me in allowing Him to do His work in our hearts today.

Inspiration from an Unlikely Source (i.e. Cashier-Man-Gil)

Interesting, isn’t it, the places people will go and the things people will do to “get inspired.”

For many, inspiration comes from the Bible. As it ultimately should.

For most women, teachers, and men who feel strong in their manhood, inspiration comes Pinterest.

(Side note: After testing out a Pinterest idea of putting brown sugar in my hair to “straighten” it and only coming away with sticky hair and a leftover bottle of home-made ridiculousness, I suggest everyone proceed on Pinterest with cautionary measures. I know I do. Now, anyway.)

For some, inspiration naturally flows from music or poetry or nature or the like.

For others still, inspiration is birthed into their hearts and lives through a heart-stirring story, an act of heroism, or a random act of kindness experienced or observed.

If I’m being honest, I’ve been guilty of all of the above ways to find ideas, get involved and interested in something beyond myself, and become inspired by the creativity of others, my surroundings, and My Savior (the Creator and Mastermind behind it all).

However, for me today, inspiration came from the most unlikely of sources.

Wal-mart.

Yeah, you read that right.

While I’m taking you down this dirt road of unlikely chances that people at places like Wal-mart can inspire you, let me just throw this at you: did you know that Wal-mart’s slogan is “Save More. Live Better.”?

I’m afraid that all-too-often most people only obtain cheap deals and collect there’s-no-possible-way-I-could-be-making-this-up kind of stories and pictures from their Wal-mart trips. In other words, they only cash in on the first part of Wal-mart’s slogan. “Save More.” Literally. They cash in. Get it? :)

But not this girl. Not today, anyway. Today, I got the privilege to experience the second half of that slogan as well. “Live Better.” It’s a stretch, for sure, but stick with me for a moment.

So…..what in the world could’ve inspired me so much in Wal-mart today? (You may be asking.)

Good question. The answer comes to us by way of a little cashier man at register 7 named Gil.

Alright. Back up. Let me set the stage.

Setting: Wal-mart, enough said

Scenario: A woman, obviously wearing her cranky pants this morning, was standing in front of me in line and had two VERY long and complicated orders. (She may as well buy a tent for as long as she was deciding to camp out at the register…. I almost suggested that very thing to her when…) Out of nowhere, Cashier-Man-Gil entered the scene and stepped up to the plate to make a homerun out of this situation.

Rather than get annoyed at this woman’s complications or responding to her crankiness, Cashier-Man-Gil started singing. That’s right. He started singing out her order to her. He sang the name of the products. He sang out the prices of each individual item. Everything that passed through Gil’s hands or through his line of vision quickly became a part in his ever-growing, impromptu, sing-song-y, broken-English mantra. The woman, needless to say, was not impressed. Apparently, her cranky pants were held up by some you-can’t-make-me-satisfied suspenders because I don’t recall her ever cracking a smile. I, on the other hand, was more than amused with Gil’s antics. I even began to giggle. Loudly. This egged him on to sing more loudly, which I’m certain didn’t help the whole situation.

But, what can I say? He humored me.

When it was finally my turn to be checked out, he thanked me three times for “being patience” with him. I told him I thought he seemed to be having a good day, and it was nice to see he was content with his job. Now that I think back on it, I wonder how much he understood what I said, but I do remember his reply. Handing me the receipt, he smiled back at me and simply said, “You come back. I cannot WAIT to serve you again!” with all the sincerity a voice could carry.

And as simple as that, I left Wal-mart a happy and inspired woman. Today, I “Saved More” at Wal-mart (of course), but I also learned a little bit more of what it means to “Live Better.“

All it took was a man, who could barely speak English, whose presence spoke, served, and sang the language of inspiration by just the breath of who he was.

I wonder… who inspires you today?

What do they do that makes them inspirational to you?

What can you do to inspire those around you today?

It doesn’t take much. Much like the big, complicated Wal-mart order that was turned into a party through Gil’s singing, remember that the big things in life are always envelope-d by what you do with and how you handle the small things in life.

As Christians, we have more than enough reason to encourage and inspire those around us. This may or may not be the sort of thing Christ was talking about in Matthew 5:14-16:

14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; 15 nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. 16 Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

With all said and reviewed, do whatever you need to do to be an inspiration to people today. Show the world a response that goes against the grain and breathes new life into tough situations.

Our world needs more light.

Our world needs more love.

Our world needs more inspirational people singing at register 7, figuratively speaking.

Shine your light by the way you live your life.

You never know whose life may be in need of a little inspiration today.

Rain, Target Umbrellas, and a Shelter in the Time of Storms

Today, once again, I found myself scurrying from the front doors of the local Target Superstore to the front seat of my car. In a thunderstorm. As it happened, I couldn't help but laugh at myself and how-very-often this scenario repeats in my life.

Without a doubt, it always seems to be raining when I enter/exit a Target. Some may excuse this away as being "Florida summer weather;" however, it's happened to me in other seasons, too. And it's even happened to me in other states. In fact, when I lived in Lynchburg,Virginia before, I got to the point where I had to resolve to getting soaking-wet because I absolutely refused to buy yet-another Target-branded umbrella. My umbrella collection was getting to be quite extensive and unruly. And, oddly enough, my umbrellas were quite inaccessible when I needed them the most. They always happened to be in the coat closet at home. Or in the closet of my classroom. Or in the trunk of my car. You know, conveniently tucked anywhere but where I needed them when I needed them. No big deal. Until I got super-soaking wet. And grumpy. And began to blame myself for not preparing better, not checking the forecast, and simply not knowing better. Then, it became a big deal suddenly, and I decided to do something about it.

Enter the the season of my life where I bought and carried extra large purses solely to accommodate the extra space and weight of an all-time go-to umbrella at-hand. This season of the weather forecasts was also affectionately termed "the drought" because it seemingly didn't rain on the Earth for about 2 years that I can remember carrying umbrellas in my over-sized purses.

Of course, I'm taking things slightly overboard and being a tad bit dramatic, but it serves a purpose. Today, after rushing to my car in the rain. I turned on the radio and heard one of my favorite songs "Lord, I Need You" by Matt Maher.

If you haven't heard it before, I encourage you to listen to it here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuvfMDhTyMA

As I listened, I was reminded of the goodness of God. And how I need Him. Oh, how I need Him. Very much unlike an umbrella, I need Him every hour, every minute. I need Him. He's my One Defense against the storms of life. But how often I forget that and tend to lean on my own attempts (running, holding onto Target-made umbrellas, weighing down my purses with excessive precautions for rains that may or may not come) to keep me dry in stormy seasons of life.

I don't know about you, but I'm learning to be thankful for the rain.
I'm learning to be thankful for Target umbrellas.
Ultimately, I'm learning to be ever-mindful and ever-thankful to serve a God that is dependable every hour of my life. He's not just someone I run to when the rains come. Or someone I call on after my attempts and Target umbrellas haven't cut it to protect me from the storms of life. He's my Shelter in the Time of Storms, yes. But He's also the God I need.

Come rain or shine, every hour, I need Him.