"Your Momma" jokes

I remember when I was in elementary school that "your momma" jokes were a big thing. They often went something like this...
"Your momma.....(fill in the blank with something juvenile-yet-offensive about that person's momma)"
The next kid replies, "oh yeah, well, your momma...(fill in the blank with something equally as juvenile about that person'a momma)"
And then the crowd surrounding the two kids would all be like, "OOOOO!"
And well, that was about the end of it.
So yeah.
"Your momma" jokes were probably the most juvenile thing since the cootie shot, but for some reason, school-kids thought it was cool - unless they were referring to your momma, of course.

So it makes me wonder, Why were "your momma" jokes even a thing? Like, why wasn't it "your daddy" jokes?
Perhaps, it's because if someone made fun of our daddy's, we'd just be like "yeah that's not true, my dad can beat up your dad" and call it a day. We'd know that our daddies can defend themselves. They don't need our help.
Mommas are different.
They are more fragile.
They need our support.
Don't get me wrong. I bet some mommas out there can throw down a fight in no time flat.

But  guess what I'm getting at is this:
If you mess with my daddy, my daddy can take care of himself.
But if you mess with my mommy, you mess with me. Why? Our moms have a unique bond with us. Not superior to the bond we have with our daddies. Hard to explain exactly, but let's just settle on this idea: the bond we have with a daddy and the bond we have with a mommy, well, they're just different from one another.

----

My husband and I were both blessed to be born into Christian families that were in tact, in that, there was a mommy and a daddy, they were married & committed to one another, and they loved each other a lot. For reasons far beyond our understanding and calculations, God decided to take our families on much different routes from there...

My husband's mom was diagnosed with cancer and quickly passed on to Heaven within a matter of months. He was only 12 years old at the time.
I. can't. even. imagine.

In stark contrast, my mom has always been there for me. Always. In fact, I don't even know how many times I've taken my mom for granted over the years. Probably just as many, if not more, times as my husband wished he still had his mom here on Earth.

Why do I do that?
Why do I take my mom for granted?
Why do we all take our moms for granted sometimes?
Why do our kids take us for granted (cue inner voice: "If only you kids realized how much I do for you!")?

Ladies, our moms are a big deal. Let's just stop and all acknowledge that for a moment.

And I believe, God intended it to be that way. That's why we're taking some time today to reflect on the moms we had growing up and thank God (and thank them!) for them.

Our moms have influenced and do influence us in so, so many ways. In some ways,  they knit some of the very fabrics of who we are (and for some of us, they knit the actual fabrics of the clothes we wore back-in-the-day... pictures are not necessary for proof... we'll just take a moment of silence and take everyone's word for it that it did happen).

Not only have our moms had a huge hand in influencing who we did (and didn't) become, they also gave us the blueprint for what and how to do in all-things-motherly, without even saying a word.

Some things we do as grown-up-mommies, we do simply because our mom did them that way.
For instance, I change and wash all the bed sheets in my house every Saturday. EVERY. Saturday. Why? because my mom did. every Saturday. as I was growing up. When I became a mom, did she tell me to do that? No. That would be both weird and borderline silly. So she didn't tell me to do it with words, but with her actions & over all that time in my growing-up years, she did. So it's a fact. Some things we do as grown-up-mommies, we do simply because our mom did them that way. Like the fact that thankfulness is always rolling off my lips, and the USPS has been able to keep its doors open sheerly from the amount of postage paid on all the thank you cards that have gotten mailed out from my houses over the years. [Come to think of it: I'm starting to ask myself, Did I start this #ThessaloniansThursday #ThankfulThursday blog as a subconscious overflow of how I was taught to be thankful all those years? "in everything give thanks" Perhaps. I. did. Hmmm... ]

On the flip side, some things we do as grown-up-mommies, we do simply because our mom did NOT do them that way. An example for me is this: I make my kids clean up around the house. They have a responsibility to do so, and they know it. Growing up, my mom did everything for all of us... all 5 kiddos plus mom plus dad. That's an incredible amount of serving, but it's also an incredible amount of stress too. I didn't learn how to do my own laundry until I was about 23 and moved out of town to attend grad school and a roommate felt sorry for me. I want something different for my kids. (In all honesty, I want something different for me as a mom as well. #lifttheload #oflaundry) So this is just one example (of many examples) of things that I do simply because my mom didn't do it that way. And it's not just limited to chore lists; those are just the first examples that came to mind for me. I'm sure you have your own list of the things you do and don't do like your mother and because of your mother as well.

So our moms impacted us as little people, and our moms continue to impact us as moms-to-little-people.
So the silly stuff.
The serious stuff.
All the stuffs.
Do you see where I'm going here?
Like it or not, next to nothing we do as moms today is neutral or disconnected from the way our moms were with us.

In some ways, we are nothing like our mothers. (Just ask us, we'll be the first to tell you so.)
And in some ways, we are exactly like our mothers. (Just ask your husband, he'll be the first to tell you so.)

Whether you had a Godly mom who imparted wisdom to you as you were growing up or not, you can thank God for her and what all she taught you, for better or for worse. Thankfully, no matter what our personal experiences with our moms are, God gives us ample examples of mothers in the Bible.
(Eve, Sarah, Hagar, Rachel, Leah, Hannah, Bathsheba, Mary, Lois, to name a few) Take some time this week to study some of their stories more in depth & thank God for those mom examples and non-examples given to us in the Bible as well.

No matter what, make today the day you stop taking your momma for granted.

Thank God for the mom you have - flaws, quirks, Godliness, and all. Thank God for the mom you have.

And perhaps, while you're at it, mail her a thank you card for all she's done. It be may the smallest token of thanks for all she's ever done in your whole entire life, but I guarantee you, she'll hold that token close to her heart for as long as she lives.

And if you're feeling extra-thankful....I forget the exact source of this idea, but I once read that you should consider taking a birthday present TO your mom on YOUR birthday.
After all, when you were born, she was there too.

And that, ladies, we know is no joke.

Why is it called Motherhood?

Have you ever sat back and wondered, why is it called 'motherhood'?

When I think of the word 'motherhood,' the only other word that readily comes to the top of my mind is 'neighborhood.' So what it is? Simply put, a neighborhood is a collection of neighbors all together. (Unless it's a neighborhood where the people are not-so-neighborly, then it's just more affectionately referred to as the 'hood. If you ever find yourself there, I have some advice: Proceed (ever-so-swiftly) with caution, girl.) I digress.

If a neighborhood is simply a collection of neighbors, then why isn't motherhood a collection of mothers all together? And if it is supposed to be a collection of mothers all together, then why does it feel less neighborly than we possibly hoped or imagined, and it feels more like trying to survive a day in the 'hood? (Be serious. You know it sometimes does feel that way.)

And all of this non-neighborly motherhood business starts day one of our motherhood, if not sooner. (more on comparison games, jealousy, and the grace of God in other blog(s) to come...)

In the 'hood, everyone has to fend for themselves (or so I'm told). There's a lot of ways fear is dressed up in strength, and all forms of brokenness are consumed as a way to survive. every. single. day. Doesn't this sound a lot like our current state of motherhood to you? There's a lot of different ways our fears are dressed up in strengths, and we'll consume just about anything in sight just as a way to survive. "Hey, hands off my mommy chocolate!" (<-- for all you fellow pantry-snack-food-hiders this topic will definitely be addressed in a later blog, just FYI)

All rabbit trails aside...

Today, we are going to thank God for the idea of motherhood. After all, it was His idea. And you know what? The first time motherhood was mentioned in the Bible, it was located in the 'hood so-to-speak. What I mean by that is this: Motherhood was not instituted until after the fall. So, when it was God's perfect design in the garden, motherhood was not a thing. When Adam and Eve were kicked out of God's perfect (albeit: gated) community, motherhood kicked in. Motherhood was instituted in the midst of some serious brokenness, y'all. So that pretty much explains everything about the struggle of motherhood you're facing today. (I say that in jest, but also in all truth.)

Motherhood was not instituted until after the fall and after Adam and Eve had to leave the perfection of the Garden of Eden. Why is this important to note for us today? Because perfection-motherhood was never God's design. Oftentimes, motherhood feels more like the 'hood and less neighborly because we have this conglomeration of weird mom-ideals and unwritten codes and algorithms of what perfect motherhood looks like. And we strive for it, oh boy, we strive for it. Daily. Oh, and we've got the corner market on it. And we've got it altogether. Except we don't. But we pretend we do, at times. I know I do - especially in the presence of other moms, sometimes. And if other moms don't dress up their fears-as-strengths and hidden insecurities in the same way we do, then judgement enters, property lines are drawn, and privacy fences get erected in all the places BBQs should be happening.

In all seriousness, we strive so hard for mommy perfection to the extinction of accepting loving support from others and to the extinguishing of God's ideal for motherhood. In my quick observation, motherhood was intended to show us ourselves in our children, to show us their need for grace, to show us OUR need for grace, to show us  more of Who God is & what a good, good, good, loving, patient, Heavenly Father He is to us. We need Him, more of Him every day. We need to admit that to God. We need to admit that to ourselves. And we need to humbly admit that to other moms-in-the-trenches-eating-snickers-in-secret-places.

As I type this, I'm sitting at my dining room table staring at a picture on my wall. It reads: "Live by grace, not perfection." Wouldn't you know I almost didn't buy that sign at the store because it had a crack on it? But it was the only one left, so I settled because it said what I wanted it to say, no matter what it looked it. (That, and the irony was so very thick. I guess you could say I gave the sign some grace that day in the buying of it.) Also, it's hanging slightly crooked on my wall right now, so that'll probably be in the back of my mind for the rest of this blog-typing. But I say all that to say this:
We don't need to be perfect.
We can't be.
We don't need to be perfect moms.
We can't be.
We need Jesus. And thankfully, He can be and is our perfection.

Also, to a far lesser degree (but still worthy of note), we need each other in this thing called motherhood.
Today, take inventory of your heart.
Where are you "neighborly" (love your neighbor as yourself) to other moms?
And where are you not?
Ask God to invade all of those places.

Take your picture-perfect-ideal of motherhood off the wall of self-achievements (it's probably hanging crookedly anyway).

Thank God for His perfection,
for the fact that perfection-motherhood is not a thing created by Him or attainable by us,
for the fact that He uses motherhood as an act of grace to us,
and for the fact that we can extend grace to other moms because of the grace He's so richly and lavishly given to us.

And, for goodness' sake, y'all, get each other's backs in the 'hood (of motherhood).

Mommy Island [correction: archipelago]

So, it's been an incredibly long time since I've written anything. Most of the time, I'm busy with regular stay-at-home-mommy to-do lists, a silly amount of craft attempts, and two toddlers. I've often used this as my excuse for not "making time" to write. Oh. so. often.

Oftentimes and very lately, I haven't written any blogs because I've briefly thought (and maybe even truly believed) that I had nothing to say, or at least, next to nothing interesting to say. Unless you want me to quote something from Daniel Tiger (or worse, Clifford), break out in  a word-for-word verbatim of a Disney song (almost. any. Disney. song.), give you a total count of laundry loads I've mastered or the amount of sibling-fights I've broken up, there's really not much left of major "report" to my days. I'm in no way demeaning or belittling the huge responsibility, overall importance, and beautiful gift of God through motherhood. I am, however, acknowledging that while there's no fanfare to "report", there's much to be said.

Reporting is often done secondhand, whereas talking is firsthand. So let's just go there for a moment. Let's get real. Let's chat. (Who said we're supposed to be intriguing reporters anyway?)

Though I've often thought and believed there's next to nothing special about my day-to-day ordinariness of toddler-motherhood and stay-at-home-momism, I think the bigger, and perhaps more honest thing to acknowledge, is that I do have something to say. Actually, so much to say that many moms think - yet don't have words (or time!) (or courage!) to say. To say aloud, anyway.

Because of this, I've come up with this analogy, and I'm just going to go with it...

Being a stay-at-home mom is like living on an island. A remote island. A very, very remote island. (You get the idea.) Well, it's like living on a remote island. With a tribe. Your tribe. You have your ways of doing things. Your own routines. Your own "language" so to speak. Most days = your way. It's fun (sometimes), and it's warm, and you love it. (Except when you don't.) Yet... at the end of the day... you're still living on an island.

Wondering, does any of this matter?

Waiting, til nap time. bed time. quiet time. alone time. "me" time (<-- is that even a thing?). please-just-hug-and-love-and-share-with-your-sibling time. Asking yourself, is it the next-stage-of-life time yet?  (You get the idea.)

Wishing, for a lot of things, really.
But, really, on some days, just out there staring at the edge of the water...
{Cue Moana's "How Far I'll Go."}
I tease.
But you get the idea.

Motherhood can be very isolating. Exhausting. Annoying. Overwhelming. Interrupting. (I was just interrupted twice while trying to type the word "interrupting". Oh, the irony!)

But why? Why is motherhood all of these things?
Because motherhood, by its very nature, grates against our human (sin) nature.
Motherhood is giving. loving. serving. Fruit-of-the-Spiriting.
All. the. time.
And it's not easy.
At all.
(More on this later. So, so, so much more on this later.)

To set the record straight, I love being a stay-at-home-mom. But just because you love something, doesn't make the workload necessarily easier. In fact, it's often the things (people) that we love the most that take the most work.

In motherhood, we have options on our reactions to all-that-is-motherhood. We can choose to acknowledge the difficulties via complaints and woe-is-me-ism. Keep in mind: if you do this long enough, nobody is going to bring their boat back around to your island. Because, well just because. We all get it. We do. And we all need encouragement in the "it-getting." So there's that.

Another option we have is to choose to ignore the difficulties with a fake-smile-it-up and make everyone think we're the best, most satisfied mom on the planet.. Again, you'll probably be living on that island by yourself for a long while. Also, when you give people directions to your place, make sure to mention your island is located near 'de Nile. #terriblemomjoke #you'rewelcome


Or the best thing we can do is this: we can be honest.
We can admit the difficulties, but chose not to complain about them. (There is a difference.)
We can replace the fake smile business for authenticity, so that others can relate. (Let's be real. No mom really wants to hide behind a mask all the time. Living on mommy island is difficult enough as it is.)
And most importantly, we can follow the directive given to us in I Thessalonians 5:18. "In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God concerning you."

Because of this, I'm deciding to take some time on Thursdays and pick out a part of motherhood. And I'm going to take that part of motherhood & focus the blog on how we can I Thessalonians 5:18 the mess out of it. #ThessalonianThursdays #ThankfulThursdays

{By the way, mommy island is apparently already a thing. Like it's own blog thing. And it's own facebook thing. So it's like a really big thing. Which is kind of odd, because it's an island-metaphor-turned-continent-situation that's  getting a little confusing to me now that I think about it....
 So for all sakes and purposes, I'll change my analogy to mommy archipelago because an archipelago is a "sea or stretch of water containing many islands" & as sisters in Christ, we may feel like we're living on mommy island, but in all reality, we're laboring together towards something much greater than ourselves and building our own little kingdoms.}

That, and I'm going to be homeschooling in the Fall, so I had to use a word like "archipelago" in a sentence - just to prove I was "homeschool mom material." (wink)