The "Why"

This weekend, I was blessed to have a couple days to spend with my husband, & my sweet girls got to spend some time with their grandparents. My husband and I went to see a marriage counselor yesterday, and one thing I noticed most that she did effectively was ask really good questions. Good questions are like sturdy buckets in a well. Depending on the question, the answers can go deep. Sometimes, instead of asking really well-crafted questions and going deep, we can get tripped up on questions that will lead us to empty wells every time. Here's an example and some scattered thoughts that came to my mind this morning:

So many times in life, things happen & we ask, "Why?"

"Why" isn't a bad question. It's normal. It's natural. And sometimes, it's necessary to examine in order to move forward. But oftentimes, "why" can be one of those questions that leave us sticking our empty buckets into the same old dried-up wells. Over and over and over again. Like a hurdle in a race that you can never seem to move past, "why" can stop us in our tracks and make us forget about the race we're supposed to be running and the goal/prize waiting for us as we press forward.

I ran across an old-familiar verse this morning. It was actually printed on a Christianbook.com shipping box sitting in my closet, it read, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. - Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV"  Only, in the reading of this verse on the box, the word 'acknowledge' was wearing off. That caught my attention because it can be easy to say we trust God. And it can be easy to admit that we don't have all the answers ("lean not to your own understanding"). But oftentimes, in the middle of big difficulties, we can fail to acknowledge God past being anything other than the recipient of our "why."

God uses the "why" moments of life to draw us to Himself, if we are compliant. So do not feel guilty if you've ever asked God "why." He loves it when His children approach Him with honesty-of-heart and all the rawness of life going on inside of us, just like we welcome our own children when they have difficulty in life.

If you'll hang with me just a moment, I want to take a minute and challenge the "why."

If God gave you an exact, precise answer to the "why" in your life, would you understand it completely or would it make you ask more questions?

Would it strengthen your faith or encourage your investigation (wanting to find out more and more resulting "why's")?

Would your newfound knowledge replace the margin in your life where trust in God once stood strong?

Would answering the "why" cause you to acknowledge God more or lean on your own understanding?

I know what my answers to those questions would be. And I am not trying to over-simplify it, the "why's" of life are big stuff.

Not only are they big stuff... I'll say this: they're big stuck.

I know that's not grammatically-correct way of saying it.

But ask yourself this:

Does the "why" change the "Who"?

Does the "why" change His love for you?

Does the "why" change His presence and care for you during the midst of it all?

Now think on this:

The "why" won't change your circumstances. 

If the "why" won't change your circumstances or the One holding your circumstances, what exactly does it change?

Your focus.

It changes your focus.

Our "why's" oftentimes become our big stuck moments because they take our focus off of acknowledging God and unto our own understanding.

Today, I encourage you to ask God the "why," but don't get stuck there, choose to focus on the Who and His love for you.

When we filter everything through the Who, His character, His love & care for us, the actual answer to the "why" becomes far less important.

He's good.

He's sovereign.

He loves us without measure.

He has your ultimate good and His ultimate glory in mind.

And dropping your empty bucket into that well is one that will never, ever run dry.

Trust Him in that today.

Impossible math, Scientific calculators, and the Sum total about Overwhelming Mom Guilt

This blog is entirely impromptu, off-the-cuff, and written as a reaction to a text-versation I had with a super close friend (who happens to live super far away!) this morning. It somewhat boiled down to this:

Mom Guilt

We have it about EVERYTHING.

and we carry it EVERYWHERE.

It affects EVERYONE we come into contact with.

And it pesters and annoys and burdens us EVERY SINGLE DAY.

The areas to have guilt in our lives are ENDLESS. (kind of like the laundry pile you're probably avoiding in order to read this blog... haha)

I struggle with it, and I bet you probably do from time to time (or all the time!) as well. 

Every time I think on this subject, I am left with this lingering question:

Why do I feel guilty for being human? (Good question, mom. Thanks for asking.)

^----So I totally just wrote out what I do in real life... You know, where you ask a question and clearly no one in your house is listening, so then you just answer the question yourself (aloud, nonetheless)... Does anyone else know what I'm talking about here? Does any other mom out there do this???

(birds chirping)

I digress.

So we were talking about mom guilt, and wondering why we feel guilty for being human...

I want you to follow me here:

How much of a person does it take to have a relationship with God? One whole person.

How much of a person does it take to be a wife? One whole person.

How much of a person does it take to do a full-time job? One whole person.

How much of a person does it take to be a mom? One whole person.

How much of a person does it take to be a homeschool teacher? One whole person.

How much of a person does it take to clean a house, cook a meal, etc.? One whole.... woah, wait a minute... better take the number of your people in your house and do some divide and conquer action on this one. ;-). It takes one whole FAMILY to clean a house. And don't be afraid to start 'em young, ladies.

How much of a person does it take to BE A PERSON? One whole person.

Now take all of the areas (questions) above that apply to you, add them together like cool points, and find the source of your guilt.

Personally, my number was 6. And how many people am I? Well, one. I'm one person. I'm ONE person. I'm one PERSON. I'm ONE PERSON.

So, to revisit my questions from above, WHY do I feel guilty for being a human? Why do I feel guilty all the time as a mom?

It's because when I became a mom, I unknowingly inherited an invisible, super-broken, mom-scientific-calculator. (Does anyone else remember how ridiculous those things were to use in college?Anyone??)

Well, where I'm going with all this is here:

Anytime there's mom guilt present, it's because the math isn't adding up somewhere. 

Last I checked, 6 does not equal 1.

6 is actually greater than 1.

6 times greater, to be exact.

(You're welcome for the math lesson. #homeschoolmombrain)

Somewhere, along the road of this glorious thing called motherhood, we've all (at some time or another) dropped our common sense math skills and traded them in for some weird-mom-calculator-wand-of-sorts that only makes sense in our own little minds. But it doesn't truly make sense to even us because when things don't add up, we end up carrying guilt. Six (or more) times our capacity. And that's no fun for anyone. Am I right? (Of course I'm right... because I'm mom. ;-) )

So what needs to change with all this mom guilt stuff? We've gotta graduate, ladies. We've gotta stop pressing buttons on our mom-scientific-calculator-wands and getting frustrated when things don't add up, finish up, tie up nicely, clean themselves up, etc. etc. Drop the calculator, mama. Finish mom community college already. Take the batteries out of that dag-gum thing.

(Quick story about the words "dag-gum thing"... don't say it around your 3-yr.-old unless you want to hear it repeated two days later... in a MUCH sassier tone... and your husband is present for the conversation. Oh, and when pressed, said 3-yr.-old tells your husband that mommy taught her that word. And then you just get a look from your husband. Totally hypothetical story, of course.))

Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes. Taking batteries out of our dag-gum calculators. Put those batteries in something far more useful...a flashlight.

Use that flashlight to read to your kids in the dark at bedtime. (Make memories.)

Use that flashlight to blink morse code (is that a thing? Can morse code be blinked by a flashlight? or is morse code just sound beeps? #topicforhomeschoolsciencefair)... Anyway, metaphorically, blink that morse code into the night to another desperate mom. (Encourage other moms.)

I feel a song from my childhood coming on... sorry, that's just how my mom brain works... if I'm not distracted from making a complete thought, I have learned to default-distract myself...."This little light of mine. I'm going to let it shine." (Now I'm singing the song aloud as I'm typing this.) Which makes me think... of a last and greatest use for that flashlight....(Spread the love and joy of Jesus to everyone around you.)

Truly, you can't do any of these things listed above if your batteries are still in your wonky-mom-scienctific-calculator.

We've gotta put our batteries to better use.

My super-practical-yet-not-asked-for-advice for you would be this:

Write down what needs to be done. 

Prioritize. Ask yourself, "What opportunities will come to me today that I might not get again?" (Hint: it's not the laundry. It's probably having a water ballon fight in the backyard while your kids are still toddlers and at the age where they're still into playing with mom.... that's a blog topic for another time...)

Then, check other things that NEED to be done today. Put the rest on a "tomorrow" list or a "later" list. And then do just that. Do. it. later.

Any time mom guilt is present, it's because the math isn't adding up and our batteries are being used on faulty formulas and systems that don't make sense. to anyone. 6 will never equal 1. Ever. We will never be able to do it all, ladies. Never. Ever. Thankfully, we don't have to. We really don't. 

But you know what's so great about all this? The opposite is also true. Anytime there's GRACE present, it's because the math isn't adding up somewhere. In God's economy, through Jesus Christ, grace covers all. Grace adds up where we don't. And I'm so thankful that it does. If God in His sheer character, goodness, kindness, and love towards us can see reason to give grace to us, let's take a lesson from Him, start acting more like Him, and give ourselves grace in areas where mom guilt likes to lurk. (Shine yo' flashlight on that, girls!)

Today, instead of trying to calculate impossible math and coming up with the answer of infinite mom guilt, turn on your flashlight, mama, remember God's grace to you, and give yourself some grace as well. 

Reading: a Hidden Gem-of-a-Plan amidst Quarantine

I love to read. As far back as I can remember, I've always loved to read. I remember learning to read rather well and quite quickly. As it is with most things we excel in, we attach enjoyment to those things and want to do them over and over and over again. The same is how it goes with me and reading. (Although, I would be remiss if I failed to mention that I participated hard in the PizzaHut BookIt! Club/Program back in the 90's... You know, in looking back, I can't quite decipher if my love for reading was for reading alone, or if it was just a mask for the massive love of the pepperoni pizza I had and all the pizzas got to eat when I finished reading -yet another- book.) Any way you look at it, since that time, I continued reading, eventually began a teaching career and started helping other kids read, and finished my graduate work in Reading Specialization. I now have the walls of my house lined with shelves and shelves of books {I blame this on the fact that a reading teacher (me) and an introvert (my husband) decided to get married and let all our books live together}. I hope to pass on the passion of reading to my girls one day. (If anyone has access to an extra rolling library ladder like Belle had in Beauty & the Beast, I'd be happy to take that off your hands. I think that would seal the whole reading-is-cool deal for my girls.) Although the pepperoni pizzas no longer follow every book I read these days, my love for reading has stayed its steady course.

Because of that, I thought I would take some time to present to you a list of books I've read since the beginning of the year. I might work on the idea of doing book reviews for these in the days to come. I'm still undecided about that. As for now, just know that the books we read and the people we're around affect a lot of our thinking and decision-making. Here's a sneak peek into my world of reading. Let me know if you have any questions or would like more information on any of them. I hope you'll consider picking up some of these while you're still in semi-quarantine mode.

Afraid of All the Things by Scarlet Hiltibidal
When the Darkness will not Lift: Doing what we can while we wait for God and Joy by John Piper
10 Things a Husband needs from his Wife: Everyday ways to show him love Erin Smalley
(A)typical woman: Free, whole, and called in Christ by Abigail Dodds
Women of the Word: How to Study the Bible with Both our Hearts and our Minds by Jen Wilkin
Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life by Emily P. Freeman
Rhythyms of Renewal: Trading Stress and Anxiety for a Life of Peace and Purpose by Rebekah Lyons
Untangling Emotions by J. Alastair Groves & Winston T. Smith
Desperate: Hope for the Mom who needs to breathe by Sarah Mae & Sally Clarkson (participated in a book club with this one)
Created to Care: God's Truth for Anxious Moms by Sarah Wallace
The Gospel-Centered Mom Bible Study by Sarah Wallace
Risen Motherhood by Emily Jensen and Laura Wifler (upcoming book club on this one)

Observations on Thankfulness

This morning, I was reading Luke 1:39-45. Here, the story picks up with Elizabeth who is pregnant 6 months with John the Baptist. In this passage, she meets Mary who is already pregnant with Jesus.

Two things I noticed about Elizabeth in this passage.

One, in verse 43, Elizabeth says, "And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me?"

Notice her humility. Notice how overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness that she has at getting this opportunity.

That said, Elizabeth knows her place before God. She knows herself in relationship to God. She knows she's not worthy to be chosen for this, and her only response is one filled with joy and thankfulness.

Two, in verse 45, Elizabeth blesses Mary for believing in what was told to her from the Lord. She blesses Mary for her faith. Notice Elizabeth was able to bless Mary out of the abundance of thankfulness of her own heart towards God.

Elizabeth knew God.
She knew herself in relationship to God.
She knew she was unworthy - yet - responded (not with shame, guilt, or despondency) with thankfulness and joy.
Elizabeth was filled up with God and what He had done for her.

Then, and only then, was Elizabeth positioned to bless Mary.

Our words come from our hearts. When our hearts are filled up with a right view of God, Godly responses and natural blessing to others flows out.

Elizabeth could have gone so many different ways in this account. She could have felt prideful like she earned the right to carry John the Baptist or entitled like she deserved it. She could have even forfeited her own joy and thankfulness and exchanged it for jealousy of Mary because she got to carry the Son of God. Oftentimes, pride, entitlement, and jealousy those are traps we can fall into when we have been blessed by God or when someone else close to us has seemingly been blessed more than us.

 Today, let's all press in and follow Elizabeth's lead. Let's take time to respond to God in humility with sincere joy and thankfulness for all He's done for us that we plainly and simply do not deserve. Let's be overwhelmed and taken-a-back at all He's done for us. But let's not stop there:As a natural result and out of the overflow, let's bless those around us.

When we're right with the Lord, pride, entitlement, and jealousy have no place. There's only room for joy, thankfulness, and blessings for ourselves and others. Let's walk in that today, ladies.

"Mama, I have big ears!"

(Note: This is a delayed post. This article was originally written in mid-March 2020.)

So this week has taken a huge turn of events from what-was-planned, both in my little blog world and my little sliver of the real world. Just a week or two ago, I was sitting at my breakfast table, looking at our dry erase calendar on the fridge, and telling my husband how March looked so-thankfully-slow compared to previous months because we didn't have anything scheduled. Well - while still true that we have no place to be - it's easy to long to be anywhere else right now instead of a in house with two sick toddlers. Hope has an ear infection, and poor sweet Hannah has an ear infection, conjunctivitis of the eyes, and Flu type A that the doctor said has almost gone into pneumonia. Add on to that all the mommy guilt I have for not taking her to the doctor faster than when I did, and the nagging thought, "Would she be better off if I had taken her sooner?" Sigh.

I know, I know, you're probably wondering how any of this is encouraging? But I share all of that to just point out that real life happens, and when it does, it makes "giving thanks in all things" even more difficult. I almost didn't even blog this week because of it - which would be understandable. But blogging sometimes helps me process things, and I know giving thanks is what we as Christians can do, both in good and bad times.

With that said, here's the blog I started writing for this week...

_____

"Mama, I have big ears!" was the exclamation I heard the other day from my 4 yr. old.

MY 4YR OLD.

When I asked her who told her that, she just said, "oh, I just saw it myself."

Now, I have no clue what's going on inside my 4 yr. old's mind at any given time, but - just from her words - I can assure you she looked at other people's ears, looked at hers, and then came to a conclusion that she had big ones. Like a good, honest mama, I reassured her she didn't have big ears and that she was beautiful just the way she was. I also reminded her that God made her ears exactly the size they are, so that was His idea of beauty when He created her. And He knows better than we do what creativity and beauty truly is, doesn't He?

Y'all. I'm not sure at what age you were taught, figured out, or came to a faulty conclusion that you weren't "enough" in the looks department in any way, but I'm sure we've all had those kind of thoughts about some part of our bodies and at some point (or multiple points) in our lives. I once read that if you ask a woman - any given woman, on any given day - what she would change about her looks, she'd at least have 3 answers on the spot. When I read that, I thought that sounded silly. But then, I thought about the question for about 5 minutes... and you know what, I had 3 answers myself. Honest.
But really sad, right?

Why do we oftentimes feel the need to be discontent about our looks or compare ourselves to others?
I know we're taught from a very young age (or we conclude on our own at a very young age) that we don't measure up, but you know what? We can do a lot of different things with that information. We can stay discontent about it. We can compare ourselves to one another, and feel more or less about ourselves, based on our assessment of those surrounding us. We can spend inordinate amounts of time, money, and mental energy "fixing" all the things we want different about ourselves.
Or we can not.

While there's nothing necessarily wrong in-and-of-itself on spending money on nice clothes or makeup or haircuts or perfume or what-have-you, thankfully, we don't have to do any of those things in order to be rendered "beautiful" in God's sight.

I have an alternative. We can be content in who God made us to be. (It's not always easy, but it is oh-so-freeing.)

Psalm 139:14 says, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." No matter what elusive beauty standard the culture throws at us, we can rest in this TRUTH that the God of the entire universe made us fearfully and wonderfully!
Fearfully and wonderfully, ladies.
Fearfully.
and
Wonderfully.

Today, we are going to thank God that His definition of beauty is deeper.
And here's what the Bible has to say about it:

I Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

I once did a Bible study by Elizabeth George on this verse, and she explained it like this:

"gentle" = "not causing disturbances"
"quiet" = "not reacting to the disturbances of others"

...or maybe my memory has those mixed up? Either way, you get the idea.
God is much, much more concerned with the inner person and matters of our hearts than He is our outward beauty. And you know what? We should align our thinking to God's, and not the culture's.

Though our culture sets us up for discontent and failure, we have victory in Christ. When God looks at us as His daughters, He sees Christ. Christ is our perfection. Christ is our beauty.

"Big ears" and all. ;-)
______

If I can, I want to provide some perspective to this issue after having a week of difficult sickness invade my house. (Sickness has a way of doing that sometimes.)

Oftentimes, we as women can only see other women at a surface-level-glance. We tend to measure by measuring sticks of this world that God would call foolish. We see something in another person and think to ourselves that if we only had that or looked like that then we would be better off. To be straightforward about it: that's a lie that discontentment sells us. And we don't have to buy it.
When we look at others, we don't know their hearts and we don't know their entire story. We see what we think is a glamorous snapshot, but we don't have the backstage pass or know how that snapshot fits into the whole movie reel of their lives.

I like to think of it this way:
We may envy her shoes, but not the places she's had to walk in them.
So consider that next time you slip into the discontentment of comparison and longing to be "her."

More than that, today, we can thank God that His beauty far surpasses anything this world can come up with AND that that beauty is available to us in His Son Jesus Christ.

Bringing it super close to home, take your 3 things you'd change about yourself (mentioned above) and turn them around to a praise to God for His hand of craftsmanship in your life.

(Ex. instead of complaining about having big ears, thank the Lord you don't have an ear infection right now.... and thank Him for giving you two ears... two ears that can hear all sorts of beautiful things... you get the idea.)

Ladies, let's start thanking God for all He has given us, instead of spending mental energy dwelling on what we think He should've given us. Along with that, let's live in our true identity in Christ and bask in the beauty that is ours in Him.

-----

I know my thoughts were scattered on this post. I'm going to blame it on sickness & mommy brain. :-) In all seriousness, I've included some resources below that are good to look into for more on this topic. Comment in the section below if you have any other resources you'd recommend on this topic as well.


Resources:

-Beth Moore did a fantastic job at delving really deep into this topic in her book "So Long, Insecurity." I would encourage and challenge you to read that.

-Elizabeth George's 1 Peter Bible study

M.R.S. Degrees

So today's #ThessalonianThursday #ThankfulThursday goes out to our husbands. You know, the men who stole our hearts, changed our last names, made us mommies, sometimes make us mad, and at the end of the day, steady us as they lead us in Christ-likeness.

For some reason, this may be the most difficult blog I've written. Usually, I just write and post and that's it. But this topic has weighed heavily on my mind and heart, especially this week. I've found myself writing and rewriting this blog over and over again. Why? I'm not quite sure. I do know this: I have a lot to say, don't quite know how to say it, and my husband reads my blog. So no pressure or accountability for proving in real life what I'm typing on a screen or anything, right?!

With that said.... let's get started on being thankful for our husbands. Bear with me as I stumble along with this topic... let's start with this story:

So I attended Bible college here in town, and then I decided to finish out my education at a Christian university out-of-town. All that to say, it seems that no matter where you go, there's this weird obsession amongst Christian college-aged girls where marriage is like the only reason some of them are there. In fact, there's these phrases like "Get a ring by spring" that circulate amongst the girls. And (the personal favorite) super ineffective pick-up-line circulating amongst the guys, "Oh, what's your major? Are you here for your M.R.S. degree?" (Well, it doesn't circulate amongst the guys, but you know what I mean. I think.)

With all said, while marriage doesn't have to be a rushed-before-I-get-out-of-college deal, it is a big deal. Today, while we are thanking God for our husbands, let's also take a brief look at marriage.
Marriage was God's idea, sweet friends. If you remember, in an earlier blog, I mentioned how motherhood wasn't established within the perfection of the Garden of Eden. But marriage, my dear friend, WAS established within the perfection of the Garden of Eden. I point out that marriage was established before the Fall because marriage was within God's idea of a perfect set-up (not to be confused with a blind-date-set-up.. anybody?!... Unless you married your blind-date-set-up, then...well, you did that to yourself).

In the New Testament (specifically Ephesians 5:22-33), a beautiful picture of marriage is painted. We specifically learn here that marriage is a supposed to be between one man and one woman, and it is to be a picture of Christ and the church. Ephesians goes on to touch on things that make a marriage function as God intended it to function. Yes, we will fail at this. When we do fail, acknowledge it to God and accept God's grace. Acknowledge it to yourself and re-recognize the need of the Gospel in your life. every. single. day. And when necessary, humbly-ever-so-humbly admit it to your husband and accept his forgiveness.

All said, help me throw the tablecloth of 1950's-wifey-perfectionism off the table, and let's set the table with some mommy's-tired-and-we're-using-paper-plates practicality. (Why paper plates? Well, two-fold: one, paper plates are a very-daily thing to reset every day (just like the daily attention to the traits I'm about to mention below) & two, paper plates mean less real dishes to clean for you, mama (and who doesn't want that!?)). You can thank me later.

When it comes to being thankful for our husbands, here are some ways we can show it:
(Note: This is not a checklist of things to-do. Nor is it intended to produce guilt. The following are just simply ideas of how we can show our thankfulness to our husbands for letting us be allowed to be married to him (After all, he did ask you, and you did grant your permission.)

These are not ways to earn his affection or fix other pre-existing issues in our marriages. Think of them as simple tokens of appreciation to him for marrying you. Here we go....

1. We can tell God "thank you" for them everyday. We can also PRAY for them. We know their strengths and weaknesses better than anyone else.  And we know the God of the Universe. Let's use all that to our advantage. Let's commit to pray for our husbands. Bring his strengths and weaknesses and everything in between into the throne room of God. That will settle and accomplish a lot more than our ways of handling and controlling ever will.

2. We can simply TELL them "thank you." And be specific what you're thanking them for. Simple. as. that. Our words of encouragement to our husbands go a long way.

3. We can HONOR them. As Godly wives, I'm sure we love our husbands well (though not perfectly), but men oftentimes speak in terms of respect. Have you ever thought of telling your husband you love him, but exchange the word "love" for "respect"? For example, I would say,"Jeff, I really respect you." Though I highly respect my husband, I do find it a little awkward at times to say it instead of saying I love him. I almost feels like I'm speaking a different language - because I am. Respect is not a native language to a wife, but it is to a husband. So, speak it. Oh, and live it. How? Ask him what speaks respect to him the most & what speaks disrespect to him. Give him time to think about it and get back to you. And be prepared for his answer. And be willing to change some behavior patterns, if necessary.

4. Be CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY about your husband to others. I would be so audacious to say don't ever say anything poorly about your husband. ever. to anyone. It's never really fitting for any occasion, and I doubt it's administering grace to anyone (Eph. 4:29). Sometimes, it's best just to keep your mouth shut... that said...

5. We can LISTEN to them. They do know a thing or two. And they may even say it in only a sentence or two. But that's ok. Be quiet long enough to listen to them. Place value on the (sometimes few!) words they say.

6. We can SUBMIT to them. Entire books have been written on this topic, and many come back with super-mixed reviews and eye-rolls from here to Mississippi. So I'll just say this: Submission is in the Bible. It's hard, but it works. It works because God said so. He designed marriage and created us, so He would know best. In addition to all that, our kids learn how to treat daddy from how we treat daddy. So just think about that for a minute.

7. We can DEFER to them. Our husbands do things differently than we do. Our husbands see things differently than we do. We must come to a point where we understand that and are okay with it. Our kids need a daddy who's different from mommy. We need a man who's different from us. We don't have to control, oversee, or auto-correct everything they do. Let them do things their way. You've got enough kids to mother, don't add your husband into the mix. Step back from bossing/mom-ing him around, and step up to wife-ing (read: helping) your husband well.

8. Kind of in that same realm of thinking, we can HAVE FUN with them. Jeff and I watch baking shows and eat junk food after the kids (finally!) fall asleep at night. We also like to "play tennis" in the backyard. I say it that way because Jeff is actually playing tennis, while I have no clue what I'm doing and just whack the tennis ball as some sort of stress relief and watch him run fast to catch the ball so it doesn't fly over the fence into the neighbor's yard, again. So yeah, we have fun together.

9. We can BAKE. Just the smell of brownies baking in the oven improves the quality of your marriage. At least, that's been my experience.

10. Last on the list, and stereotypically first on their lists,
We can LOVE them.
Physically.
And passionately.
Amen.

Overall, we can JUST BE PLEASANT to be around. The exact meaning of the word "pleasant" is this: "giving a sense of happy satisfaction or enjoyment." Most likely, your husband married you (well, for a lot of reasons, I'm sure), but one of the big ones is that you made him happy. {Now, don't get me started on that topic exactly. Our marriages are not designed to "make us happy;" rather, they are a venue God uses to make us holy. (We can talk a bunch on that at a later time.)} As I was saying, your husband did not marry you because you made him sad or grumpy or miserable-to-be-around. He found something in you that delighted him, he loved to be around, and your sheer presence just genuinely made him happy. You brought him enjoyment. So keep doing a lot of that.

In a nutshell,
Of all the women in the whole, entire, huge, wide world, your husband CHOSE you.
YOU.
He didn't have to, but he did.
And everyday, he does.
And, if he is a man of his word, he will.
Everyday.
For the rest of his entire lifetime.

All through the ping-pong games of silent treatments and MOM-alogues (read: monologues by moms),
the angry outbursts and fits of laughter,
the PMS and all the hormonal cycles of unexplainable tears (who can really explain all those tears, ladies?! Sometimes, we don't even know.),
"in sickness and in health,"
 "for better or for worse,"
and until "death do us part."

There’s so much more I could say on this topic, but I’m currently sitting in carline to pick up my child from VPK. As I’m typing,  I realized the campus she goes to school at also has a Christian college on site.  Aaaaaand it’s almost springtime. Ahh! So much anticipation and desperation in the air around these parts, y’all.

All silliness aside, do you remember those times when you were oh-so-single and just longed for a man to call your own?
Thank God for giving a man to you.
Thank God for giving your specific man to you.
Thank your man for giving you your M.R.S. degree.
And while you're at it, thank him for just being him. (And not being the guy with the lame pickup lines in college.... or wait, was that also him?)

"Your Momma" jokes

I remember when I was in elementary school that "your momma" jokes were a big thing. They often went something like this...
"Your momma.....(fill in the blank with something juvenile-yet-offensive about that person's momma)"
The next kid replies, "oh yeah, well, your momma...(fill in the blank with something equally as juvenile about that person'a momma)"
And then the crowd surrounding the two kids would all be like, "OOOOO!"
And well, that was about the end of it.
So yeah.
"Your momma" jokes were probably the most juvenile thing since the cootie shot, but for some reason, school-kids thought it was cool - unless they were referring to your momma, of course.

So it makes me wonder, Why were "your momma" jokes even a thing? Like, why wasn't it "your daddy" jokes?
Perhaps, it's because if someone made fun of our daddy's, we'd just be like "yeah that's not true, my dad can beat up your dad" and call it a day. We'd know that our daddies can defend themselves. They don't need our help.
Mommas are different.
They are more fragile.
They need our support.
Don't get me wrong. I bet some mommas out there can throw down a fight in no time flat.

But  guess what I'm getting at is this:
If you mess with my daddy, my daddy can take care of himself.
But if you mess with my mommy, you mess with me. Why? Our moms have a unique bond with us. Not superior to the bond we have with our daddies. Hard to explain exactly, but let's just settle on this idea: the bond we have with a daddy and the bond we have with a mommy, well, they're just different from one another.

----

My husband and I were both blessed to be born into Christian families that were in tact, in that, there was a mommy and a daddy, they were married & committed to one another, and they loved each other a lot. For reasons far beyond our understanding and calculations, God decided to take our families on much different routes from there...

My husband's mom was diagnosed with cancer and quickly passed on to Heaven within a matter of months. He was only 12 years old at the time.
I. can't. even. imagine.

In stark contrast, my mom has always been there for me. Always. In fact, I don't even know how many times I've taken my mom for granted over the years. Probably just as many, if not more, times as my husband wished he still had his mom here on Earth.

Why do I do that?
Why do I take my mom for granted?
Why do we all take our moms for granted sometimes?
Why do our kids take us for granted (cue inner voice: "If only you kids realized how much I do for you!")?

Ladies, our moms are a big deal. Let's just stop and all acknowledge that for a moment.

And I believe, God intended it to be that way. That's why we're taking some time today to reflect on the moms we had growing up and thank God (and thank them!) for them.

Our moms have influenced and do influence us in so, so many ways. In some ways,  they knit some of the very fabrics of who we are (and for some of us, they knit the actual fabrics of the clothes we wore back-in-the-day... pictures are not necessary for proof... we'll just take a moment of silence and take everyone's word for it that it did happen).

Not only have our moms had a huge hand in influencing who we did (and didn't) become, they also gave us the blueprint for what and how to do in all-things-motherly, without even saying a word.

Some things we do as grown-up-mommies, we do simply because our mom did them that way.
For instance, I change and wash all the bed sheets in my house every Saturday. EVERY. Saturday. Why? because my mom did. every Saturday. as I was growing up. When I became a mom, did she tell me to do that? No. That would be both weird and borderline silly. So she didn't tell me to do it with words, but with her actions & over all that time in my growing-up years, she did. So it's a fact. Some things we do as grown-up-mommies, we do simply because our mom did them that way. Like the fact that thankfulness is always rolling off my lips, and the USPS has been able to keep its doors open sheerly from the amount of postage paid on all the thank you cards that have gotten mailed out from my houses over the years. [Come to think of it: I'm starting to ask myself, Did I start this #ThessaloniansThursday #ThankfulThursday blog as a subconscious overflow of how I was taught to be thankful all those years? "in everything give thanks" Perhaps. I. did. Hmmm... ]

On the flip side, some things we do as grown-up-mommies, we do simply because our mom did NOT do them that way. An example for me is this: I make my kids clean up around the house. They have a responsibility to do so, and they know it. Growing up, my mom did everything for all of us... all 5 kiddos plus mom plus dad. That's an incredible amount of serving, but it's also an incredible amount of stress too. I didn't learn how to do my own laundry until I was about 23 and moved out of town to attend grad school and a roommate felt sorry for me. I want something different for my kids. (In all honesty, I want something different for me as a mom as well. #lifttheload #oflaundry) So this is just one example (of many examples) of things that I do simply because my mom didn't do it that way. And it's not just limited to chore lists; those are just the first examples that came to mind for me. I'm sure you have your own list of the things you do and don't do like your mother and because of your mother as well.

So our moms impacted us as little people, and our moms continue to impact us as moms-to-little-people.
So the silly stuff.
The serious stuff.
All the stuffs.
Do you see where I'm going here?
Like it or not, next to nothing we do as moms today is neutral or disconnected from the way our moms were with us.

In some ways, we are nothing like our mothers. (Just ask us, we'll be the first to tell you so.)
And in some ways, we are exactly like our mothers. (Just ask your husband, he'll be the first to tell you so.)

Whether you had a Godly mom who imparted wisdom to you as you were growing up or not, you can thank God for her and what all she taught you, for better or for worse. Thankfully, no matter what our personal experiences with our moms are, God gives us ample examples of mothers in the Bible.
(Eve, Sarah, Hagar, Rachel, Leah, Hannah, Bathsheba, Mary, Lois, to name a few) Take some time this week to study some of their stories more in depth & thank God for those mom examples and non-examples given to us in the Bible as well.

No matter what, make today the day you stop taking your momma for granted.

Thank God for the mom you have - flaws, quirks, Godliness, and all. Thank God for the mom you have.

And perhaps, while you're at it, mail her a thank you card for all she's done. It be may the smallest token of thanks for all she's ever done in your whole entire life, but I guarantee you, she'll hold that token close to her heart for as long as she lives.

And if you're feeling extra-thankful....I forget the exact source of this idea, but I once read that you should consider taking a birthday present TO your mom on YOUR birthday.
After all, when you were born, she was there too.

And that, ladies, we know is no joke.

Why is it called Motherhood?

Have you ever sat back and wondered, why is it called 'motherhood'?

When I think of the word 'motherhood,' the only other word that readily comes to the top of my mind is 'neighborhood.' So what it is? Simply put, a neighborhood is a collection of neighbors all together. (Unless it's a neighborhood where the people are not-so-neighborly, then it's just more affectionately referred to as the 'hood. If you ever find yourself there, I have some advice: Proceed (ever-so-swiftly) with caution, girl.) I digress.

If a neighborhood is simply a collection of neighbors, then why isn't motherhood a collection of mothers all together? And if it is supposed to be a collection of mothers all together, then why does it feel less neighborly than we possibly hoped or imagined, and it feels more like trying to survive a day in the 'hood? (Be serious. You know it sometimes does feel that way.)

And all of this non-neighborly motherhood business starts day one of our motherhood, if not sooner. (more on comparison games, jealousy, and the grace of God in other blog(s) to come...)

In the 'hood, everyone has to fend for themselves (or so I'm told). There's a lot of ways fear is dressed up in strength, and all forms of brokenness are consumed as a way to survive. every. single. day. Doesn't this sound a lot like our current state of motherhood to you? There's a lot of different ways our fears are dressed up in strengths, and we'll consume just about anything in sight just as a way to survive. "Hey, hands off my mommy chocolate!" (<-- for all you fellow pantry-snack-food-hiders this topic will definitely be addressed in a later blog, just FYI)

All rabbit trails aside...

Today, we are going to thank God for the idea of motherhood. After all, it was His idea. And you know what? The first time motherhood was mentioned in the Bible, it was located in the 'hood so-to-speak. What I mean by that is this: Motherhood was not instituted until after the fall. So, when it was God's perfect design in the garden, motherhood was not a thing. When Adam and Eve were kicked out of God's perfect (albeit: gated) community, motherhood kicked in. Motherhood was instituted in the midst of some serious brokenness, y'all. So that pretty much explains everything about the struggle of motherhood you're facing today. (I say that in jest, but also in all truth.)

Motherhood was not instituted until after the fall and after Adam and Eve had to leave the perfection of the Garden of Eden. Why is this important to note for us today? Because perfection-motherhood was never God's design. Oftentimes, motherhood feels more like the 'hood and less neighborly because we have this conglomeration of weird mom-ideals and unwritten codes and algorithms of what perfect motherhood looks like. And we strive for it, oh boy, we strive for it. Daily. Oh, and we've got the corner market on it. And we've got it altogether. Except we don't. But we pretend we do, at times. I know I do - especially in the presence of other moms, sometimes. And if other moms don't dress up their fears-as-strengths and hidden insecurities in the same way we do, then judgement enters, property lines are drawn, and privacy fences get erected in all the places BBQs should be happening.

In all seriousness, we strive so hard for mommy perfection to the extinction of accepting loving support from others and to the extinguishing of God's ideal for motherhood. In my quick observation, motherhood was intended to show us ourselves in our children, to show us their need for grace, to show us OUR need for grace, to show us  more of Who God is & what a good, good, good, loving, patient, Heavenly Father He is to us. We need Him, more of Him every day. We need to admit that to God. We need to admit that to ourselves. And we need to humbly admit that to other moms-in-the-trenches-eating-snickers-in-secret-places.

As I type this, I'm sitting at my dining room table staring at a picture on my wall. It reads: "Live by grace, not perfection." Wouldn't you know I almost didn't buy that sign at the store because it had a crack on it? But it was the only one left, so I settled because it said what I wanted it to say, no matter what it looked it. (That, and the irony was so very thick. I guess you could say I gave the sign some grace that day in the buying of it.) Also, it's hanging slightly crooked on my wall right now, so that'll probably be in the back of my mind for the rest of this blog-typing. But I say all that to say this:
We don't need to be perfect.
We can't be.
We don't need to be perfect moms.
We can't be.
We need Jesus. And thankfully, He can be and is our perfection.

Also, to a far lesser degree (but still worthy of note), we need each other in this thing called motherhood.
Today, take inventory of your heart.
Where are you "neighborly" (love your neighbor as yourself) to other moms?
And where are you not?
Ask God to invade all of those places.

Take your picture-perfect-ideal of motherhood off the wall of self-achievements (it's probably hanging crookedly anyway).

Thank God for His perfection,
for the fact that perfection-motherhood is not a thing created by Him or attainable by us,
for the fact that He uses motherhood as an act of grace to us,
and for the fact that we can extend grace to other moms because of the grace He's so richly and lavishly given to us.

And, for goodness' sake, y'all, get each other's backs in the 'hood (of motherhood).

Mommy Island [correction: archipelago]

So, it's been an incredibly long time since I've written anything. Most of the time, I'm busy with regular stay-at-home-mommy to-do lists, a silly amount of craft attempts, and two toddlers. I've often used this as my excuse for not "making time" to write. Oh. so. often.

Oftentimes and very lately, I haven't written any blogs because I've briefly thought (and maybe even truly believed) that I had nothing to say, or at least, next to nothing interesting to say. Unless you want me to quote something from Daniel Tiger (or worse, Clifford), break out in  a word-for-word verbatim of a Disney song (almost. any. Disney. song.), give you a total count of laundry loads I've mastered or the amount of sibling-fights I've broken up, there's really not much left of major "report" to my days. I'm in no way demeaning or belittling the huge responsibility, overall importance, and beautiful gift of God through motherhood. I am, however, acknowledging that while there's no fanfare to "report", there's much to be said.

Reporting is often done secondhand, whereas talking is firsthand. So let's just go there for a moment. Let's get real. Let's chat. (Who said we're supposed to be intriguing reporters anyway?)

Though I've often thought and believed there's next to nothing special about my day-to-day ordinariness of toddler-motherhood and stay-at-home-momism, I think the bigger, and perhaps more honest thing to acknowledge, is that I do have something to say. Actually, so much to say that many moms think - yet don't have words (or time!) (or courage!) to say. To say aloud, anyway.

Because of this, I've come up with this analogy, and I'm just going to go with it...

Being a stay-at-home mom is like living on an island. A remote island. A very, very remote island. (You get the idea.) Well, it's like living on a remote island. With a tribe. Your tribe. You have your ways of doing things. Your own routines. Your own "language" so to speak. Most days = your way. It's fun (sometimes), and it's warm, and you love it. (Except when you don't.) Yet... at the end of the day... you're still living on an island.

Wondering, does any of this matter?

Waiting, til nap time. bed time. quiet time. alone time. "me" time (<-- is that even a thing?). please-just-hug-and-love-and-share-with-your-sibling time. Asking yourself, is it the next-stage-of-life time yet?  (You get the idea.)

Wishing, for a lot of things, really.
But, really, on some days, just out there staring at the edge of the water...
{Cue Moana's "How Far I'll Go."}
I tease.
But you get the idea.

Motherhood can be very isolating. Exhausting. Annoying. Overwhelming. Interrupting. (I was just interrupted twice while trying to type the word "interrupting". Oh, the irony!)

But why? Why is motherhood all of these things?
Because motherhood, by its very nature, grates against our human (sin) nature.
Motherhood is giving. loving. serving. Fruit-of-the-Spiriting.
All. the. time.
And it's not easy.
At all.
(More on this later. So, so, so much more on this later.)

To set the record straight, I love being a stay-at-home-mom. But just because you love something, doesn't make the workload necessarily easier. In fact, it's often the things (people) that we love the most that take the most work.

In motherhood, we have options on our reactions to all-that-is-motherhood. We can choose to acknowledge the difficulties via complaints and woe-is-me-ism. Keep in mind: if you do this long enough, nobody is going to bring their boat back around to your island. Because, well just because. We all get it. We do. And we all need encouragement in the "it-getting." So there's that.

Another option we have is to choose to ignore the difficulties with a fake-smile-it-up and make everyone think we're the best, most satisfied mom on the planet.. Again, you'll probably be living on that island by yourself for a long while. Also, when you give people directions to your place, make sure to mention your island is located near 'de Nile. #terriblemomjoke #you'rewelcome


Or the best thing we can do is this: we can be honest.
We can admit the difficulties, but chose not to complain about them. (There is a difference.)
We can replace the fake smile business for authenticity, so that others can relate. (Let's be real. No mom really wants to hide behind a mask all the time. Living on mommy island is difficult enough as it is.)
And most importantly, we can follow the directive given to us in I Thessalonians 5:18. "In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God concerning you."

Because of this, I'm deciding to take some time on Thursdays and pick out a part of motherhood. And I'm going to take that part of motherhood & focus the blog on how we can I Thessalonians 5:18 the mess out of it. #ThessalonianThursdays #ThankfulThursdays

{By the way, mommy island is apparently already a thing. Like it's own blog thing. And it's own facebook thing. So it's like a really big thing. Which is kind of odd, because it's an island-metaphor-turned-continent-situation that's  getting a little confusing to me now that I think about it....
 So for all sakes and purposes, I'll change my analogy to mommy archipelago because an archipelago is a "sea or stretch of water containing many islands" & as sisters in Christ, we may feel like we're living on mommy island, but in all reality, we're laboring together towards something much greater than ourselves and building our own little kingdoms.}

That, and I'm going to be homeschooling in the Fall, so I had to use a word like "archipelago" in a sentence - just to prove I was "homeschool mom material." (wink)