So today's #ThessalonianThursday #ThankfulThursday goes out to our husbands. You know, the men who stole our hearts, changed our last names, made us mommies, sometimes make us mad, and at the end of the day, steady us as they lead us in Christ-likeness.
For some reason, this may be the most difficult blog I've written. Usually, I just write and post and that's it. But this topic has weighed heavily on my mind and heart, especially this week. I've found myself writing and rewriting this blog over and over again. Why? I'm not quite sure. I do know this: I have a lot to say, don't quite know how to say it, and my husband reads my blog. So no pressure or accountability for proving in real life what I'm typing on a screen or anything, right?!
With that said.... let's get started on being thankful for our husbands. Bear with me as I stumble along with this topic... let's start with this story:
So I attended Bible college here in town, and then I decided to finish out my education at a Christian university out-of-town. All that to say, it seems that no matter where you go, there's this weird obsession amongst Christian college-aged girls where marriage is like the only reason some of them are there. In fact, there's these phrases like "Get a ring by spring" that circulate amongst the girls. And (the personal favorite) super ineffective pick-up-line circulating amongst the guys, "Oh, what's your major? Are you here for your M.R.S. degree?" (Well, it doesn't circulate amongst the guys, but you know what I mean. I think.)
With all said, while marriage doesn't have to be a rushed-before-I-get-out-of-college deal, it is a big deal. Today, while we are thanking God for our husbands, let's also take a brief look at marriage.
Marriage was God's idea, sweet friends. If you remember, in an earlier blog, I mentioned how motherhood wasn't established within the perfection of the Garden of Eden. But marriage, my dear friend, WAS established within the perfection of the Garden of Eden. I point out that marriage was established before the Fall because marriage was within God's idea of a perfect set-up (not to be confused with a blind-date-set-up.. anybody?!... Unless you married your blind-date-set-up, then...well, you did that to yourself).
In the New Testament (specifically Ephesians 5:22-33), a beautiful picture of marriage is painted. We specifically learn here that marriage is a supposed to be between one man and one woman, and it is to be a picture of Christ and the church. Ephesians goes on to touch on things that make a marriage function as God intended it to function. Yes, we will fail at this. When we do fail, acknowledge it to God and accept God's grace. Acknowledge it to yourself and re-recognize the need of the Gospel in your life. every. single. day. And when necessary, humbly-ever-so-humbly admit it to your husband and accept his forgiveness.
All said, help me throw the tablecloth of 1950's-wifey-perfectionism off the table, and let's set the table with some mommy's-tired-and-we're-using-paper-plates practicality. (Why paper plates? Well, two-fold: one, paper plates are a very-daily thing to reset every day (just like the daily attention to the traits I'm about to mention below) & two, paper plates mean less real dishes to clean for you, mama (and who doesn't want that!?)). You can thank me later.
When it comes to being thankful for our husbands, here are some ways we can show it:
(Note: This is not a checklist of things to-do. Nor is it intended to produce guilt. The following are just simply ideas of how we can show our thankfulness to our husbands for letting us be allowed to be married to him (After all, he did ask you, and you did grant your permission.)
These are not ways to earn his affection or fix other pre-existing issues in our marriages. Think of them as simple tokens of appreciation to him for marrying you. Here we go....
1. We can tell God "thank you" for them everyday. We can also PRAY for them. We know their strengths and weaknesses better than anyone else. And we know the God of the Universe. Let's use all that to our advantage. Let's commit to pray for our husbands. Bring his strengths and weaknesses and everything in between into the throne room of God. That will settle and accomplish a lot more than our ways of handling and controlling ever will.
2. We can simply TELL them "thank you." And be specific what you're thanking them for. Simple. as. that. Our words of encouragement to our husbands go a long way.
3. We can HONOR them. As Godly wives, I'm sure we love our husbands well (though not perfectly), but men oftentimes speak in terms of respect. Have you ever thought of telling your husband you love him, but exchange the word "love" for "respect"? For example, I would say,"Jeff, I really respect you." Though I highly respect my husband, I do find it a little awkward at times to say it instead of saying I love him. I almost feels like I'm speaking a different language - because I am. Respect is not a native language to a wife, but it is to a husband. So, speak it. Oh, and live it. How? Ask him what speaks respect to him the most & what speaks disrespect to him. Give him time to think about it and get back to you. And be prepared for his answer. And be willing to change some behavior patterns, if necessary.
4. Be CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY about your husband to others. I would be so audacious to say don't ever say anything poorly about your husband. ever. to anyone. It's never really fitting for any occasion, and I doubt it's administering grace to anyone (Eph. 4:29). Sometimes, it's best just to keep your mouth shut... that said...
5. We can LISTEN to them. They do know a thing or two. And they may even say it in only a sentence or two. But that's ok. Be quiet long enough to listen to them. Place value on the (sometimes few!) words they say.
6. We can SUBMIT to them. Entire books have been written on this topic, and many come back with super-mixed reviews and eye-rolls from here to Mississippi. So I'll just say this: Submission is in the Bible. It's hard, but it works. It works because God said so. He designed marriage and created us, so He would know best. In addition to all that, our kids learn how to treat daddy from how we treat daddy. So just think about that for a minute.
7. We can DEFER to them. Our husbands do things differently than we do. Our husbands see things differently than we do. We must come to a point where we understand that and are okay with it. Our kids need a daddy who's different from mommy. We need a man who's different from us. We don't have to control, oversee, or auto-correct everything they do. Let them do things their way. You've got enough kids to mother, don't add your husband into the mix. Step back from bossing/mom-ing him around, and step up to wife-ing (read: helping) your husband well.
8. Kind of in that same realm of thinking, we can HAVE FUN with them. Jeff and I watch baking shows and eat junk food after the kids (finally!) fall asleep at night. We also like to "play tennis" in the backyard. I say it that way because Jeff is actually playing tennis, while I have no clue what I'm doing and just whack the tennis ball as some sort of stress relief and watch him run fast to catch the ball so it doesn't fly over the fence into the neighbor's yard, again. So yeah, we have fun together.
9. We can BAKE. Just the smell of brownies baking in the oven improves the quality of your marriage. At least, that's been my experience.
10. Last on the list, and stereotypically first on their lists,
We can LOVE them.
Physically.
And passionately.
Amen.
Overall, we can JUST BE PLEASANT to be around. The exact meaning of the word "pleasant" is this: "giving a sense of happy satisfaction or enjoyment." Most likely, your husband married you (well, for a lot of reasons, I'm sure), but one of the big ones is that you made him happy. {Now, don't get me started on that topic exactly. Our marriages are not designed to "make us happy;" rather, they are a venue God uses to make us holy. (We can talk a bunch on that at a later time.)} As I was saying, your husband did not marry you because you made him sad or grumpy or miserable-to-be-around. He found something in you that delighted him, he loved to be around, and your sheer presence just genuinely made him happy. You brought him enjoyment. So keep doing a lot of that.
In a nutshell,
Of all the women in the whole, entire, huge, wide world, your husband CHOSE you.
YOU.
He didn't have to, but he did.
And everyday, he does.
And, if he is a man of his word, he will.
Everyday.
For the rest of his entire lifetime.
All through the ping-pong games of silent treatments and MOM-alogues (read: monologues by moms),
the angry outbursts and fits of laughter,
the PMS and all the hormonal cycles of unexplainable tears (who can really explain all those tears, ladies?! Sometimes, we don't even know.),
"in sickness and in health,"
"for better or for worse,"
and until "death do us part."
There’s so much more I could say on this topic, but I’m currently sitting in carline to pick up my child from VPK. As I’m typing, I realized the campus she goes to school at also has a Christian college on site. Aaaaaand it’s almost springtime. Ahh! So much anticipation and desperation in the air around these parts, y’all.
All silliness aside, do you remember those times when you were oh-so-single and just longed for a man to call your own?
Thank God for giving a man to you.
Thank God for giving your specific man to you.
Thank your man for giving you your M.R.S. degree.
And while you're at it, thank him for just being him. (And not being the guy with the lame pickup lines in college.... or wait, was that also him?)
For some reason, this may be the most difficult blog I've written. Usually, I just write and post and that's it. But this topic has weighed heavily on my mind and heart, especially this week. I've found myself writing and rewriting this blog over and over again. Why? I'm not quite sure. I do know this: I have a lot to say, don't quite know how to say it, and my husband reads my blog. So no pressure or accountability for proving in real life what I'm typing on a screen or anything, right?!
With that said.... let's get started on being thankful for our husbands. Bear with me as I stumble along with this topic... let's start with this story:
So I attended Bible college here in town, and then I decided to finish out my education at a Christian university out-of-town. All that to say, it seems that no matter where you go, there's this weird obsession amongst Christian college-aged girls where marriage is like the only reason some of them are there. In fact, there's these phrases like "Get a ring by spring" that circulate amongst the girls. And (the personal favorite) super ineffective pick-up-line circulating amongst the guys, "Oh, what's your major? Are you here for your M.R.S. degree?" (Well, it doesn't circulate amongst the guys, but you know what I mean. I think.)
With all said, while marriage doesn't have to be a rushed-before-I-get-out-of-college deal, it is a big deal. Today, while we are thanking God for our husbands, let's also take a brief look at marriage.
Marriage was God's idea, sweet friends. If you remember, in an earlier blog, I mentioned how motherhood wasn't established within the perfection of the Garden of Eden. But marriage, my dear friend, WAS established within the perfection of the Garden of Eden. I point out that marriage was established before the Fall because marriage was within God's idea of a perfect set-up (not to be confused with a blind-date-set-up.. anybody?!... Unless you married your blind-date-set-up, then...well, you did that to yourself).
In the New Testament (specifically Ephesians 5:22-33), a beautiful picture of marriage is painted. We specifically learn here that marriage is a supposed to be between one man and one woman, and it is to be a picture of Christ and the church. Ephesians goes on to touch on things that make a marriage function as God intended it to function. Yes, we will fail at this. When we do fail, acknowledge it to God and accept God's grace. Acknowledge it to yourself and re-recognize the need of the Gospel in your life. every. single. day. And when necessary, humbly-ever-so-humbly admit it to your husband and accept his forgiveness.
All said, help me throw the tablecloth of 1950's-wifey-perfectionism off the table, and let's set the table with some mommy's-tired-and-we're-using-paper-plates practicality. (Why paper plates? Well, two-fold: one, paper plates are a very-daily thing to reset every day (just like the daily attention to the traits I'm about to mention below) & two, paper plates mean less real dishes to clean for you, mama (and who doesn't want that!?)). You can thank me later.
When it comes to being thankful for our husbands, here are some ways we can show it:
(Note: This is not a checklist of things to-do. Nor is it intended to produce guilt. The following are just simply ideas of how we can show our thankfulness to our husbands for letting us be allowed to be married to him (After all, he did ask you, and you did grant your permission.)
These are not ways to earn his affection or fix other pre-existing issues in our marriages. Think of them as simple tokens of appreciation to him for marrying you. Here we go....
1. We can tell God "thank you" for them everyday. We can also PRAY for them. We know their strengths and weaknesses better than anyone else. And we know the God of the Universe. Let's use all that to our advantage. Let's commit to pray for our husbands. Bring his strengths and weaknesses and everything in between into the throne room of God. That will settle and accomplish a lot more than our ways of handling and controlling ever will.
2. We can simply TELL them "thank you." And be specific what you're thanking them for. Simple. as. that. Our words of encouragement to our husbands go a long way.
3. We can HONOR them. As Godly wives, I'm sure we love our husbands well (though not perfectly), but men oftentimes speak in terms of respect. Have you ever thought of telling your husband you love him, but exchange the word "love" for "respect"? For example, I would say,"Jeff, I really respect you." Though I highly respect my husband, I do find it a little awkward at times to say it instead of saying I love him. I almost feels like I'm speaking a different language - because I am. Respect is not a native language to a wife, but it is to a husband. So, speak it. Oh, and live it. How? Ask him what speaks respect to him the most & what speaks disrespect to him. Give him time to think about it and get back to you. And be prepared for his answer. And be willing to change some behavior patterns, if necessary.
4. Be CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY about your husband to others. I would be so audacious to say don't ever say anything poorly about your husband. ever. to anyone. It's never really fitting for any occasion, and I doubt it's administering grace to anyone (Eph. 4:29). Sometimes, it's best just to keep your mouth shut... that said...
5. We can LISTEN to them. They do know a thing or two. And they may even say it in only a sentence or two. But that's ok. Be quiet long enough to listen to them. Place value on the (sometimes few!) words they say.
6. We can SUBMIT to them. Entire books have been written on this topic, and many come back with super-mixed reviews and eye-rolls from here to Mississippi. So I'll just say this: Submission is in the Bible. It's hard, but it works. It works because God said so. He designed marriage and created us, so He would know best. In addition to all that, our kids learn how to treat daddy from how we treat daddy. So just think about that for a minute.
7. We can DEFER to them. Our husbands do things differently than we do. Our husbands see things differently than we do. We must come to a point where we understand that and are okay with it. Our kids need a daddy who's different from mommy. We need a man who's different from us. We don't have to control, oversee, or auto-correct everything they do. Let them do things their way. You've got enough kids to mother, don't add your husband into the mix. Step back from bossing/mom-ing him around, and step up to wife-ing (read: helping) your husband well.
8. Kind of in that same realm of thinking, we can HAVE FUN with them. Jeff and I watch baking shows and eat junk food after the kids (finally!) fall asleep at night. We also like to "play tennis" in the backyard. I say it that way because Jeff is actually playing tennis, while I have no clue what I'm doing and just whack the tennis ball as some sort of stress relief and watch him run fast to catch the ball so it doesn't fly over the fence into the neighbor's yard, again. So yeah, we have fun together.
9. We can BAKE. Just the smell of brownies baking in the oven improves the quality of your marriage. At least, that's been my experience.
10. Last on the list, and stereotypically first on their lists,
We can LOVE them.
Physically.
And passionately.
Amen.
Overall, we can JUST BE PLEASANT to be around. The exact meaning of the word "pleasant" is this: "giving a sense of happy satisfaction or enjoyment." Most likely, your husband married you (well, for a lot of reasons, I'm sure), but one of the big ones is that you made him happy. {Now, don't get me started on that topic exactly. Our marriages are not designed to "make us happy;" rather, they are a venue God uses to make us holy. (We can talk a bunch on that at a later time.)} As I was saying, your husband did not marry you because you made him sad or grumpy or miserable-to-be-around. He found something in you that delighted him, he loved to be around, and your sheer presence just genuinely made him happy. You brought him enjoyment. So keep doing a lot of that.
In a nutshell,
Of all the women in the whole, entire, huge, wide world, your husband CHOSE you.
YOU.
He didn't have to, but he did.
And everyday, he does.
And, if he is a man of his word, he will.
Everyday.
For the rest of his entire lifetime.
All through the ping-pong games of silent treatments and MOM-alogues (read: monologues by moms),
the angry outbursts and fits of laughter,
the PMS and all the hormonal cycles of unexplainable tears (who can really explain all those tears, ladies?! Sometimes, we don't even know.),
"in sickness and in health,"
"for better or for worse,"
and until "death do us part."
There’s so much more I could say on this topic, but I’m currently sitting in carline to pick up my child from VPK. As I’m typing, I realized the campus she goes to school at also has a Christian college on site. Aaaaaand it’s almost springtime. Ahh! So much anticipation and desperation in the air around these parts, y’all.
All silliness aside, do you remember those times when you were oh-so-single and just longed for a man to call your own?
Thank God for giving a man to you.
Thank God for giving your specific man to you.
Thank your man for giving you your M.R.S. degree.
And while you're at it, thank him for just being him. (And not being the guy with the lame pickup lines in college.... or wait, was that also him?)
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