This blog is entirely impromptu, off-the-cuff, and written as a reaction to a text-versation I had with a super close friend (who happens to live super far away!) this morning. It somewhat boiled down to this:
Mom Guilt
We have it about EVERYTHING.
and we carry it EVERYWHERE.
It affects EVERYONE we come into contact with.
And it pesters and annoys and burdens us EVERY SINGLE DAY.
The areas to have guilt in our lives are ENDLESS. (kind of like the laundry pile you're probably avoiding in order to read this blog... haha)
I struggle with it, and I bet you probably do from time to time (or all the time!) as well.
Every time I think on this subject, I am left with this lingering question:
Why do I feel guilty for being human? (Good question, mom. Thanks for asking.)
^----So I totally just wrote out what I do in real life... You know, where you ask a question and clearly no one in your house is listening, so then you just answer the question yourself (aloud, nonetheless)... Does anyone else know what I'm talking about here? Does any other mom out there do this???
(birds chirping)
I digress.
So we were talking about mom guilt, and wondering why we feel guilty for being human...
I want you to follow me here:
How much of a person does it take to have a relationship with God? One whole person.
How much of a person does it take to be a wife? One whole person.
How much of a person does it take to do a full-time job? One whole person.
How much of a person does it take to be a mom? One whole person.
How much of a person does it take to be a homeschool teacher? One whole person.
How much of a person does it take to clean a house, cook a meal, etc.? One whole.... woah, wait a minute... better take the number of your people in your house and do some divide and conquer action on this one. ;-). It takes one whole FAMILY to clean a house. And don't be afraid to start 'em young, ladies.
How much of a person does it take to BE A PERSON? One whole person.
Now take all of the areas (questions) above that apply to you, add them together like cool points, and find the source of your guilt.
Personally, my number was 6. And how many people am I? Well, one. I'm one person. I'm ONE person. I'm one PERSON. I'm ONE PERSON.
So, to revisit my questions from above, WHY do I feel guilty for being a human? Why do I feel guilty all the time as a mom?
It's because when I became a mom, I unknowingly inherited an invisible, super-broken, mom-scientific-calculator. (Does anyone else remember how ridiculous those things were to use in college?Anyone??)
Well, where I'm going with all this is here:
Anytime there's mom guilt present, it's because the math isn't adding up somewhere.
Last I checked, 6 does not equal 1.
6 is actually greater than 1.
6 times greater, to be exact.
(You're welcome for the math lesson. #homeschoolmombrain)
Somewhere, along the road of this glorious thing called motherhood, we've all (at some time or another) dropped our common sense math skills and traded them in for some weird-mom-calculator-wand-of-sorts that only makes sense in our own little minds. But it doesn't truly make sense to even us because when things don't add up, we end up carrying guilt. Six (or more) times our capacity. And that's no fun for anyone. Am I right? (Of course I'm right... because I'm mom. ;-) )
So what needs to change with all this mom guilt stuff? We've gotta graduate, ladies. We've gotta stop pressing buttons on our mom-scientific-calculator-wands and getting frustrated when things don't add up, finish up, tie up nicely, clean themselves up, etc. etc. Drop the calculator, mama. Finish mom community college already. Take the batteries out of that dag-gum thing.
(Quick story about the words "dag-gum thing"... don't say it around your 3-yr.-old unless you want to hear it repeated two days later... in a MUCH sassier tone... and your husband is present for the conversation. Oh, and when pressed, said 3-yr.-old tells your husband that mommy taught her that word. And then you just get a look from your husband. Totally hypothetical story, of course.))
Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes. Taking batteries out of our dag-gum calculators. Put those batteries in something far more useful...a flashlight.
Use that flashlight to read to your kids in the dark at bedtime. (Make memories.)
Use that flashlight to blink morse code (is that a thing? Can morse code be blinked by a flashlight? or is morse code just sound beeps? #topicforhomeschoolsciencefair)... Anyway, metaphorically, blink that morse code into the night to another desperate mom. (Encourage other moms.)
I feel a song from my childhood coming on... sorry, that's just how my mom brain works... if I'm not distracted from making a complete thought, I have learned to default-distract myself...."This little light of mine. I'm going to let it shine." (Now I'm singing the song aloud as I'm typing this.) Which makes me think... of a last and greatest use for that flashlight....(Spread the love and joy of Jesus to everyone around you.)
Truly, you can't do any of these things listed above if your batteries are still in your wonky-mom-scienctific-calculator.
We've gotta put our batteries to better use.
My super-practical-yet-not-asked-for-advice for you would be this:
Write down what needs to be done.
Prioritize. Ask yourself, "What opportunities will come to me today that I might not get again?" (Hint: it's not the laundry. It's probably having a water ballon fight in the backyard while your kids are still toddlers and at the age where they're still into playing with mom.... that's a blog topic for another time...)
Then, check other things that NEED to be done today. Put the rest on a "tomorrow" list or a "later" list. And then do just that. Do. it. later.
Any time mom guilt is present, it's because the math isn't adding up and our batteries are being used on faulty formulas and systems that don't make sense. to anyone. 6 will never equal 1. Ever. We will never be able to do it all, ladies. Never. Ever. Thankfully, we don't have to. We really don't.
But you know what's so great about all this? The opposite is also true. Anytime there's GRACE present, it's because the math isn't adding up somewhere. In God's economy, through Jesus Christ, grace covers all. Grace adds up where we don't. And I'm so thankful that it does. If God in His sheer character, goodness, kindness, and love towards us can see reason to give grace to us, let's take a lesson from Him, start acting more like Him, and give ourselves grace in areas where mom guilt likes to lurk. (Shine yo' flashlight on that, girls!)
Today, instead of trying to calculate impossible math and coming up with the answer of infinite mom guilt, turn on your flashlight, mama, remember God's grace to you, and give yourself some grace as well.
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