Values, Grace, & Wadded-up Hand Towels

Over the years, one thing I've learned about myself is this: I value order. For me, what this looks like in a practical sense is daily routines, a-love-for-filled-out-planners, and a semi-always neat home.

What I'm about to tell you may shock some of you mamas out there: Somewhere in the birth canal, our personal values are lost upon our offspring. In other words, I birthed a child who in no way reflects my value for order.

She's young, sure.

She's intelligent. She's kind and compassionate.

She's a CREATIVE child.

But she - in no way - values order.

Unfortunately, for a good period of time, I allowed this difference-of-values to rob our house of peace. It usually revolved around how the hand towels in our kitchen and bathrooms are hung. (Just writing this out makes me realize how petty and particular I've been about it in the past.) Every single time I saw the hand towels messed up, I would call said child back into the room, show her how to tri-fold the towel, and tell her about how it's important to leave things the way we find them (or better!). As you can imagine, over time, we both became frustrated with this mix-up.

Until, one day, one of us changed.

& Sadly, (for the sake of the towels!) it wasn't her who changed.

One day, instead of correcting her, I just started taking pictures of the messed-up towels, and (while folding them back into "order") I'd quietly start praying for her. The new routine became: Take a picture, (fix the towel), don't say a word aloud, & pray. Take a picture, (fix the towel), don't say a word aloud, & pray. Every. Single. Time. I actually have so many pictures of this that I created an entire album in my phone labeled "(child's name edited to protect privacy) was here." For you visual learners out there, here's some pictures to further explain what I'm talking about:

All said, what changed?

Did my value for order change? No.

Did I just give up the good fight? No.

What changed is this: God taught me that there is something greater than holding onto personal values alone.

And it's this: It's having a hand (towel?) ready and willing to give out grace.

You see, God so softened my heart to the realization that my child isn't being defiant in this case. She isn't being disrespectful or disobedient. (You can tell all this by her demeanor when she does it.) She sheerly has different values. She values clean hands enough to wash and dry them, sure. But then she values moving on, playing, laughing, and having a good old time of the rest of her minutes of all the days of her life. She has no interest in folding up the hand towels the way she found them or the-way-they-ought-to-go. In fact, in her mind, she may even think she's most-assuredly-leaving them "better" than the way she found them. lol.

All my hand-towel-stories and little-corner-of-the-world aside, I wonder...

What personal values do you notice about yourself?

What does it look like in your life when others don't share those same personal values?

Are your hands free enough to give out grace to others whilst still holding onto your personal values?

The key of all this is first letting the Lord work on your heart about whatever the issues are; and then-and-only-then, you are free to start living in the tension between holding onto your personal values whilst also being available to give out grace.

Living in the tension of holding onto values and giving out grace is much like the wash, dry, repeat cycle of the washing of our hands we do all throughout the day. If holding onto values = washing your hands, then giving out grace = drying your hands on the towel. And as you can see, doing one without the other doesn't quite make sense. 

This give-and-take tension of values and grace hardly ever results in a perfectly tri-folded towel in the end without prayer and work on your end. I could go on, but I think you get the idea by now.. Also, you'll have to excuse me for a moment anyway... I see a hand towel to tri-fold and a sweet little soul to pray for...