Thursday, February 29, 2024

The "Why?": How to grow in wisdom & discern our motives through questioning

Mommy, why.

Why?

Why??

Why?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

Why, why, why, why, why...

As any mom (or dad) soon recognizes, the question "Why?" is an ever-present and ever-pressing question often posed over-and-over-and-over-and-over again by our young kids. (Anyone else, or is it just my kids? lol.) The problem with the question "Why?" (other than the fact that it comes at an annoyingly strong pace sometimes) is that we often think we outgrow it. More than just a rather effective annoyance tactic from toddler to parent, the question "Why?" has power if we afford to give it the space, silence, solitude, and time to work as it should.

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I believe God has so knit each one of us together, so that we all each have strengths and weaknesses. We use our God-given strengths to serve and encourage others, and we use our God-knitted-together weaknesses to be lifted up and served by others. (Note: Weaknesses are not the same thing as personal proclivities to sin, as we'll discuss that more later.)

That said, one of the strengths I believe God has granted me is the gift of discernment.  What is discernment exactly? By definition, discernment is "the ability to judge well" or "the ability to distinguish (someone or something) with difficulty by sight or with the other senses; to perceive or recognize (something)."

Ever since I was a teenager and walking with the Lord, I would pray on-the-regular for wisdom and discernment. I believe He granted me those requests. Now, let me caveat that with this: I don't always hit the mark. Sometimes, I miss the mark. Sometimes, I overanalyze. Sometimes, I misread. Sometimes, I get anxious. Some of those things are due to human error. Some of them are due to my default personality. Some of them are just straight not from God.

But when I do get it right, when I do discern a person, situation, etc. correctly, I know it's because of the Holy Spirit living inside of me. And really, no other reason at all. It's His strength at work in me.

If you would like to become a more wise, discerning person, here are some steps that have helped me and I hope will also help you:

#1. Pray for wisdom and discernment. 

The Bible tells us in the book of James chapter 1 verse 5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." 

The Bible also lists discernment as a gift of His Holy Spirit in 1 Corinthians 12:7-11, "To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom,  and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills."

If you are a child of God, He hears your prayers. He tells us to ask Him for wisdom when we lack it. He gives this generously to all who ask. He also sends discernment as a manifestation of His Holy Spirit to some for the common good. Pray and ask God for wisdom and discernment.

#2. Read the Bible to get to know the God of the Bible.

If your personality is anything like mine, you'll do the Bible reading in a year. You'll start out right. And then you'll end up all wrong because you're doing it just to check off all the boxes before the end of the year. Or you'll do all the Bible studies and fill in all the blanks of "homework" just to have something to show for your time with the Lord. Believe me, these things aren't wrong as a start, but they can become a sloppy finish. I would dare to contend that your time with the Lord will show out in your character, your reactions, and your word-responses more than any checklist will ever show.

If your personality is anything like mine or even if it isn't, resolve to read the Bible to get to know the God of the Bible. Learn His names. His attributes. The ways in which He works and moves and relates with His people. Get to know His voice. Know the God of the Bible by reading the Bible.

#3. Surround yourself with discerning people. 

Whether that's in person or a combination of in-person and through reading about the lives of discerning people who have gone before us, surround yourself with discerning people.

I'm currently going through Marty Machowski's Wise Up! devotion with my girls in our homeschool Bible lesson times. It focuses on the book of Proverbs. Proverbs has so very much to say about foolish and wise people. It is straightforward in what wise people treasure and build their lives around and what foolish people are tripped up by. Study Proverbs. Surround yourself with wise, discerning people in modern-day. Learn/read about wise, discerning people of times gone by.

#4. Ask really good questions (of yourself and others).

I've found that asking yourself "Why?" questions is a good place to begin. It can really be as simple as this:

Why do I WANT to do this thing?

Why do I NOT WANT to do this thing?

Why WOULD I do this thing?

Why WOULD I NOT do this thing?

This line of questioning cuts out what others will think or you, say of you, or expect of you, and it gets straight to the heart (read: motives). This process of questioning helps to show our true selves and helps us process if our motives are selfish, sinful, sideways, or sanctified. (With all that alliteration going on, I feel a Baptist sermon coming on...lol.)

So with that, I'll leave you alone to think and process. Until next time, pray for wisdom from the Lord. He will give it generously! And to discern what is best in any given situation, try considering the "Why?" questioning method listed above.

Tuesday, March 28, 2023

Hide-n-Seek (& what it looks like to be Found)

Hide and Seek is a game as old as human nature, starting with Adam and Eve. Down through the years, hide and seek has been a staple kids game - across generations, cultures, time, and place.


Once CoVid hit, our family made an adaptation to the traditional hide and seek game, and now, my girls want to play it almost every chance they get. We call it Flashlight Tag. Basically, if hide and seek and tag got married and had little baby flashlights, that would be this game. It goes something like this:


First, the setting: this game is played inside our house when it's dark outside and all the lights in the house are turned completely off.


Now, for the ground rules:

1. One person is named "it" and begins to count to 10 (in English or Spanish) or count to 20 or count to 100 (if they're a feisty kindergartener and like to show off). Anyway, the person who is "it" counts while everyone else runs and hides.

2. At the end of counting, the "it" person turns on their flashlight and sets out to find someone hiding somewhere in a closet, behind a curtain in a room, behind the door in the bathroom, or inside the washer (that literally only happened once, and by the grace of God, no one was hurt... only they were counseled on why that was a bad idea. We now use the kid lock feature on our washer on the regular. Whew.)

3. Once "it" finds someone's hiding place and shines their flashlight on them, that person turns on their flashlight to become the new person to be "it" and the other person turns off their flashlight and proceeds to find a hiding place.

4. No tag backs. Ever.

5. Yelling "break time" is acceptable at any point in the game by anyone if they need to get some water or need to use the bathroom or just simply feel feisty that their sister is about to tag them. lol.

6. The only way the game will ever end is if mom or dad put a timer on the microwave. Game ends at the beeping sound. Whoever is "it" when the game is done will be the one to start out the game the next time.


----

As you can see, this silly-little-game-turned-family-tradition is easy to play and doesn't take much skill beyond finding a hiding spot and only requires the expendability of some flashlights and lots of spare AA batteries.


So, as fun as it is, I'm always curious as to what the draw is to playing this game. over. and over. and over. again. On a regular night, at least one of my girls would be afraid of the dark (or at least that's the reason given for never going to bed on time). But they're fearless in this game. And last time I checked, flashlights aren't the #1 top-selling toy for kids. But they want to play this game more than any of the dump-truck-loads-full-of-toys they own. 


As I was thinking it over, I think it simply comes down to a few reasons this game is so loved.


1. The obvious: it's time spent together (sort-of) as a family. Family memories are made from the time someone blended in with the curtain for the entirety of the game… to the time when someone was laying down in the closet & pulled your leg when you went in there (and simultaneously gave you a heart attack because you didn't even know someone else was in there with you).


2. Humans like to hide. 


3. Humans long to be found.


Silly kid games aside, I wonder: Is there anything you're hiding from in your life today? Hiding from a person you disagree with? Hiding from memories of a painful past? Hiding from honestly sharing your full story? Hiding from healthy community? Accountability? Authenticity? What is it that you're hiding from?


Better yet, what would it look like for you to be found?


I don't know your specific situation and life details, but I'm willing to bet (and I'm not even a betting woman), with the amount of surplus AA batteries kicking around in the world today, there's a person, a group, or a tribe that's willing-and-ready to turn on their flashlights and seek you out. They're ready to accept you as you are, and willing to listen to your heart, life, and story.

Through prayer, ask the Lord who those people in your life may be. And with wisdom & discretion, proceed to let them in on what you've been hiding from or what darkness you've been going through. Instead of running away from you, I believe God has already placed people in your life who not only can handle your story, but they will be better off for you sharing it all.


After all, you've been hiding long enough. 

The feisty kindergartener's count is already up to 99.

---

Now, Tag. You're it. 


Go bring into light the things that are lurking in the dark. 

Be honest with yourself and others. 

Process the past. 

Verbalize the hurts. 

Get to counseling if you need to. 

Get into healthy community. 

& Go tell the story God's graciously given to you.


Your story.

His glory.


& That’s what it looks like to be found.

Thursday, March 9, 2023

March writing prompt challenge #1

March Writing Challenge - Prompt #1

"If March were a color, what color would it be? Write about how you know."


First thoughts lead me to readily saying March is the color green. 

Green, for Spring and all things that grow. 

Green, for warm days (and rowdy kids that love to run outside, going to and fro).

Green, like streetlights that give permission to go.


Green, for holidays like St. Patrick's Day.

Green, for Easter (if that calendar falls that way).

Green, for constant friendships that are here to stay.

Green, because (as my grandpa used to say), 

"It's God's favorite color" and He likes it that way.


But maybe, upon closer inspection, March isn't so bold, so lush, so green.

Maybe March is more serene. 

Maybe cool like the yellow of a daffodil. 

Or light blue, like the sight of the sky from a windowsill.

Or lavender, light pink, or seafoam, if you will.

Maybe March is the color of standing still.

Seeking God's face and inquiring of His will.


Maybe March is for getting older.

Bolder.

or  simply becoming a beholder.


Maybe March is for the madness of games.

Or maybe March - (being opposite of its very name)

 - isn't the color of moving at all.

Maybe it's the mirror of the color of Fall.

The colors of changing, of pause and reflection.

The colors of the past mixed with a new direction.


I don't know now which color to pick.

If March were a color (It seems like a trick.)

Here I've written just a few ideas and clues,

If March had a color palette and preferred its own hue.





Thursday, February 23, 2023

Put Down the Pen #MyJesusTestimony

Put Down the Pen #MyJesusTestimony


If you’ve known me for any length of time, you know that I’ve always wanted write a book. But I never was able to nail down a topic for my book, so I just simply haven’t written a book. I blog. Mostly to myself (and a handful of others), and I think my dad follows me occasionally as well. :-)


If you’re looking for a topic to write a book on, be. very. careful. You may just live through the horrors that one day may become the topic of your book.


Let me explain:

You see, this is the time of year - every year - where I reflect on the goodness of the Lord in the midst of one of the most terrible times in my life. Six years ago, around this time of year, I gave birth to my second daughter, Hope.


Here is the story of “The Birth of Hope” in a nutshell:


And then Hope was born. Hope Elizabeth. February 25, 2017. When she was born, all 95 percentile of her filled in a portion of my heart that I never knew was vacant. As most would agree, the birth of a baby tends to change everything. And for me, everything did change. And not just at the time of birth. Roughly five months after her birth, everything for me began to change again. 


At the end of July in 2017, I experienced an mental “episode” that landed me in a mental ward at a hospital in Jacksonville, Florida. 


& the abridged timeline went something like this:

Year 2017 

-Post-partum psychosis. (occurs in roughly 1 or 2 births out of 1,000)

-First hospitalization.

-Hypothyroidism = thyroid off the charts… on a scale of 0.4-4.0, I had a 79….(I always have been an overachiever ;-) )

-2 medications.

-Second hospitalization.

-Post-partum depression.

-7 medications.

-Gained 40 pounds due to medication side effects.

-Psychiatrist visit where he subscribed “getting your nail done” as the solution to it all.

-Christian Counseling.

-Prolactin level  = 293, and climbing up into the 400s.

-MRI show possible tumor (prolactinoma) on pituitary gland.

-Get new psychiatrist

Year 2018

-New psychiatrist weans me off of all 7 medications, except thyroid medication & one antidepressant.

-Possible brain surgery (?)

-Swift second opinion doesn’t see a tumor anywhere on my brain.

-Daily nausea/vomitting for a month upon going off of medications. (uncomfortable for sure, but helped shed all that extra weight)

-Endoscopy. 

-Gastritis.

-Colonscopy.

-I became a case study for a national women’s conference on women’s health. (See, told you I know how to overachieve. ;) )

Year 2022

-Met with an endocrinologist for the first time to discuss vast vitamin deficiencies and how VITALLY important this piece of the puzzle was/is. (Not sure why this wasn’t mentioned by anyone else much earlier in my life.)

-Endocrinologist weaning me off of antidepressant and placing me on prescription vitamins


Nearly 6 years later, I’m stable and healthy. I no longer have any symptoms of depression. At all. After that season of rollercoasters, several valleys, and a complete lack of mountains, I can say that life is back to "normal." In a nutshell, I see it that God has basically given me my life and my enjoyment of my life back. As of this upcoming April 2023, I will be weaning off of the remainder of my antidepressant and will only be on medication for hypothyroidism (oh, and vitamins!). Praise the Lord! Just another testament to His goodness and healing hand in my life!


----


I know after processing this and organizing this into a piece of writing, I look back find it all a bit strange. I literally can not believe all that’s happened to me. It’s almost like I’m writing the script to the story of someone else’s life.  Instead of wishing it all away, I choose to take a step back, realize that IT IS truly MY story, and put down the pen because I recognize that I’m not the Author of this one. I’m not even the main character. More like a supporting character waaaaay back in the background. A single person who has maybe come to this point "for such a time as this." A small pebble dropped into water whose ripple effects have no end in sight. One story told boldly and shared freely for the thousands, maybe millions, that need to be told boldly and shared freely as well.  


So here, I think, is where I should end. The abridged version of my story has now been told. Hopefully, by sharing my story, others will find boldness to do the same. And story by story, the paradigm will shift. And that, my dear friend, is the birth of hope. :-)


---

1 Peter 4:19

19 So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

Friday, August 19, 2022

When Emotions Dance

When the clock strikes midnight, it’s time to get home. 

But what we learn at the ball tonight, we need to make known. 


Life’s not a party.

It’s more of a dance.

And thankfully, none of it is left to chance. 


There IS an Orchestrator. 

He chooses the songs - He handles the beat. 

We simply decide what to do with our feet.


For now, we sit at our table, content in our seats.

We watch all the people. 

We converse. 

Laugh.

And Repeat. 


In walks Joy. (We all knew she was invited.) 

Her presence alone makes everyone excited. 

She’s an old friend, a sweet soul we all know. 

She goes straight to the dance floor and (of course) steals the show. 


Then suddenly, Joy steps off to the side. 

It seems that something threw her off her stride. 


It was him. 

Everything changed when he entered in. 


A sloppy, stinking young man walked through the door. 

(People wonder if he’s ever been here before.) 

With dirty clothes and disheveled hair, 

all of the people begin to stare. 

Was he invited? 

Is it a mistake?

(Surely, there’s not a seat for him to take.)

We reckon he has to be here by chance. 

We assume he doesn’t even know how to dance.


He saunters by the tables, the food, the hellos. 

(Who is this guy? We really want to know.)


He knows what he’s here for (by his own admission),

He heads straight for the dance floor.

(Though we all have our suspicions.)


Will he know the beat, the steps, the dance, the song?

(Somehow, all of this just seems wrong.)


The key changed to minor, 

the music grew slow. 

The Orchestrator seemed to know him…

He gave him the nod to go!


As everyone watched this man-not-intact,

He took charge of that dance floor and stuck-it-to-the-mat.


When he danced, no one quite knew what to say. 

There weren’t words to put to his performance, 

just a sense that he was here to stay.


When this man’s solo act was done, 

we surprisingly overhear someone calling him, “Son.”


We assume we must have overheard wrong, 

but then everything was confirmed with the next couple of songs.  


Oh! In all the commotion, I forgot to mention:

More guests arrived, it’s like they were all family-by-extension.


New faces in the crowd,

Not friends -yet- not foes.

Why they’re all here? nobody knows. 

On the dance floor, the unknown guests began taking turns. 

All of their names were soon to be learned.


There’s

Denial.

then, Anger.

And Sadness.

And Relief.


And then, goodness gracious, there comes…

Grief. 

(But nobody talks to him, what a thief!)


And then we look over, and what do we see?

Something we thought wasn’t a possibility.


It’s the first sloven man

Walking over to Joy

SHE asks for the next dance,

He nods “yes” like a shy little boy.


She knows he can dance, but doesn’t know if SHE should

dance in his songs, 

She would if HE could.


Joy dances with him (though he physically stinks). 

She doesn’t seem to care what anyone thinks. 


As they continue together, the people all rise.

Smiles still on faces, but tears brimming eyes. 


The music changes. 

It quickens in pace. 

It crescendos and crashes.

As tears begin streaming down everyone’s face. 


Seeing them dance together is hard to watch, no doubt.

What else should we do?

Should we cheer?

Should we shout?

 

But this one thing we know, 

we can’t look away. 

Something inside us says, “It’s meant to be this way.” 


We soon realize - much to our surprise - 

The answer is unfolding right before our eyes. 


This unlikely pair can’t just stick to their own tunes. 

They relate to one another, as we’ll understand more soon. 


Minor notes in major keys

“Accidentals,” or so they seem. 

It’s all so bizarre, like a mixed-up dream. 


But somehow…

It’s almost like they belong, 

dancing together in the SAME song. 


Like a beginning piano player gone wrong,

together, they are writing a brand new song. 


The steps to this new dance are hard to navigate. 

Contemplate?

Articulate?

Celebrate?

Hibernate??


As the music comes to an end,

people begin to wipe their tears.

They pick up conversations 

with friends they’ve known for years. 


Joy walks over to our table to explain, 

“I know that boy. I gave him his name.”


As the man walks over to approach our table,

Joy speaks up to reveal (as she is able).

“I have someone I want you all to know.

This is my son. His name is Sorrow.”


As she speaks, we all begin to think,

What in the world is that awful stink?

And who (of all people!) thought that they’d be related? 

It seems all Joy stood for, Sorrow negated. 


Our thoughts are interrupted by a new voice.

“Joy, you’ve done well. You made a good choice.”


The unfamiliar voice goes on to tell us a lot 

“When Sorrow was born and a small little tot, 

He was born lame, like it or not.

The boy could not walk, let alone dance.

But sweet Joy decided to give him a chance.”


“Joy taught him how to dance, day after day.”

The voice then turned to the man to say,

“You danced well tonight, dear. You danced like your dad.”

Just the mention of him somehow made Sorrow more sad.


(Sorrow’s dad - like his mom Joy - could dance like a boss.)

The voice then reveals, “Sorrow’s dad’s name was Loss.”


Joy interjected as only she could, 

“Seems like just yesterday, but Loss has been gone for a while…”

Continuing aloud (and wondering if she should), 

“...Traces of Loss are still seen in Sorrow’s smile.”


As all of our gazes follow Joy’s into the distance,

Someone’s asking Sorrow to dance, and it’s met with some resistance.


“Who else wants to dance with him?” we all think.

“Who could handle all his stink?”

“Wait. Who is she?” Then we see a face.

“Oh, we all know her. Her name is Grace.”


Sorrow, face flushed and red,

Says he would rather hold Grace’s hand instead.

Grace, understanding, holds his hand for a while.

(She gets it. Her dance is a different style.)


Grace is patient as Sorrow grows up to be a man, 

She’s thankful just to be there, holding his hand.


But a day will come, (this I know to be true,)

when Grace will teach Sorrow how to dance anew.


We may not see it right now; 

(it’s the last song of the night.)

But one day, somehow, 

you’ll see I’m right.


—---


Years from now, we’ll bump into them, not believing what we see.

Grace and Sorrow sitting at a table with their family now of 3.


It’s clear to us that Sorrow joined Grace in a dance or two.

Their dances quickly turned to romance (as they so often do).

And through the years, the tears, the smiles, (a mix of unpredictable, normal, and wild),

Grace and Sorrow gave birth to a lovely child.


As we walk together on our way, 

you lean to me and say,

“What is the name of the child of Grace and Sorrow?”

And I’ll reply, most assuredly, I overheard it was “A New Tomorrow.”





And that’s when, my friend, you’ll come to understand,

Everything - the people, the timing, the dance -

was a part of the Plan,

Nothing happens by chance.


—---


So I wonder, sweet friend,

What will you do?

When one of these dance partners comes looking for you?


Life’s not a party.

It’s more of a dance.

And thankfully, none of it is left to chance. 


There IS an Orchestrator. 

He chooses the songs - He handles the beat. 

We simply decide what to do with our feet.